It's my life

All hail.

2009-09-13T00:36:00.000-07:00

More news get unraveled as people find out more and more about what had happened. A year ago.

The saga continues though they have died for more than a year ago, and lots of people have moved on with their lives. The past comes back to haunt, to revisit some moments we have each forgotten in our lives.

He's a hero.

I don't feel like continuing to talk about him. It's been a long while.

We haven't ended off in an ultra good note, but, we were once friends. And from what I knew and remembered, he's extremely loyal. Maybe too loyal to his friends to even die for them.

And it is this quality of his, that makes him a really valuable individual. Not as a friend, not as a class monitor, not as a class representative, not as a leader, but as an individual.

Because he can't be represented in anything solely. He's everything.

And may he rest in peace.

You died a hero.

And although people around me kept going on and on about how lucky I was to not stick with you, that you were foolish, dumb, and everything else, I wish I had the courage to speak up for you. But I just don't. Because I have not enough reasons, not enough good things to talk about.

You are not foolish, you are not dumb. As much as I wish I could stand up and tell them all to shut the hell up, I can't. For they don't know you, they will never know you.

But, you are, a hero, ultimately.

Will always remember you.

Goodbye.

OMG THEY GOT A FAMILY

2009-09-10T10:14:00.001-07:00

OMG!

Okay, ridiculous time to blog. I'm not in Year2 anymore.

Anyway, just found out that some of my primary friends are so close. I'm HAPPY for them!

Okay goodnight.

1280th post - True Blood Season 2 Finale Teaser

2009-09-08T20:48:00.001-07:00

Okay all I want to say is the video did make me want to watch True Blood more, not that I didn't watch but haha.

Anyway, I have to rush off to school soon. Going to learn a bit of Japanese and do a bit of English before going.

Sayonara.

P.S. I realized punctuality isn't my best trait now, it's my worst trait.

I voiced.

2009-09-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, the blogposts are going to reach a 1300 soon. Not that I never expected this coming but I don't think it will hit 1500. But it doesn't seem far off now.

I finally had it with all. Yes, petty people (小人) love to feed off the pain and suffering you are experiencing, and they love it no more than by watching you suffer. I can't do anything about it, really, like what, go up to them and say, "I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU CAN YOU FREAKING STOP IT?"

But anyway, whatever. Closed down blogs, done. Did unto others what they did, done, but backfired. Tried to be nice but then I got flamed at for nothing.

Whatever, I have had enough, and I sort of told my mentor about it. I hope the confiding isn't that... Bad.

I just told him that sometimes I fitted better in another class, which is true. Cause I have friends there. Not like I don't have friends in my current class, I do, but then they don't work well as working partners.

Especially under the influence of damn Bale.

Each class has their own culture, like...
A - The ones with life
B - The ones that fits nowhere
C - The Physics nerds
D - The ones with the fun stuff
E - The happy united
F - The happy mixed
G - The Physics nerds with life
H - The jocks

Apparently I fit in the class that fits nowhere... Oh well.

But come to think about it, I might not fit that well in H or D either. Maybe A? But the downside of being in A is that I dropped Physics completely.

Okay whatever, I have already hinted to my mentor I feel unhappy and all, and I guess I have to live through it.

Life sucks, y'all.

And the mass bout of posts

2009-09-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

I realized I had been blogging tons and tons lots these few days! Well, it's the holidays, and I haven't had time to blog during schooldays, do I? So here I am, compensating for lost time.

And I feel as bad as a bad daddy who overworks and then spends time on weekends trying to compensate.

Okay whatever.

Today, I finished Comprehension Pack 1! I feel so proud of myself. And I did Ecology PBL so I did something!

Tomorrow is Wednesday, and I am still behind time! Ecology Ecology Ecology Ecology!!! Inorganic Chemistry Inorganic Chemistry! Neither is getting into my head.

So anyway, whatever, I am now going to mass mug Ecology and tomorrow Inorganic Chemistry cause I tried studying Inorganic Chemistry.

arghh

2009-09-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, I won't deny I still feel bad about reading all those comments that are posted towards me, which are mean and all, but whatever, I am banning myself from reading them! And I am going to work really hard to prove myself worthy of being a student with an extremely high CAP score at the end of the year.

And then once I leave for University, I am going to forget all the dumb things that happened in high school and start a new life. Great planning.

For now, I shall study hard.

Jiayoux!

Dreams, Dreams

2009-09-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I want to run away from reality...

Somehow my blog keeps getting tracked down by idiots! So bloody annoying - but hell yea, whatever, I am not gonna keep track of whoever visits my blog now - cause all I'm going to do is probably just make this blog private UNLESS you want to read it and you're my friend :P.

That means 0 readers! :O homg but like I care.

Oh yes, that means I can friggin not care and just bitch about anything I want - am freaking angry anyway.

But I guess after this people will talk a bit more and then not bother liao - cause this blog is closed, so what can they say?

Just cause I complained about not being told about the level average before he tells my parents, people make a big deal out of it. Lalala, I suddenly feel like some celebrity *_*. Anyway he didn't say anything like, "Please buck up", but more on like, please continue to work hard. I shall take it positively then!

Anyway (I seem to be using this a lot!) I am like going to ban myself from visiting some sites so as to not hurt myself and get affected by what people say. That way I can keep my blog like, closed for now hahaha.

Some people just don't grow up.

Anyway, I am so going to rush all the workload, though I did a bit yesterday I am like going to rush at a faster pace. Expedite! Okay, new word learnt from SAT.

For now, I am trying to see when I can visit the free dental service.

But it seems like they're fully booked.

---

My intention of this blogpost, initially, wasn't anything on the above but whatever anyway!
I wanted to talk about...
*okay so anti-climatic*
---

I feel like running away from life! Seriously.

Especially today - waking up when my mother panicked when she couldn't find the passports - and after the incident on Monday.

Sometimes I just feel like running and running away from reality. I guess everyone also feels so now and then.

We do so subconsciously in our dreams - we see our nightmares come to life, smack us, hurt us, and injure us. And when we wake up, our subconscious mind forgets it, for the fear of hurting our own conscious self.

Is that it?

Possibly.

And I know deep within there lies a desire to just run out of my house, down the streets, and just run and run and run.

But who will run with me?

Will you?

Some general goals...

2009-09-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, with this crazy huge ass exams coming up, I am mass rushing tons of stuff.

I am going to learn a bit of Japanese and English in the morning and night.

So it goes like this.

~10am: Wake up. Study 15 minutes of Japanese. Do 20 minutes of assessment book (2 exercises) and review.
~11am: Use computer check internet and random crap. And then start schoolwork.
11am-8pm: Do Comprehension work and SCVs and other homeworks.
~10pm: Do 15 minutes of Japanese (review of day's work) and 20 minutes of assessment book (2 exercises) and review.

Something like that.

By the end of the Wednesday, I need to finish Comprehension pack 1 (a bit ambitious but I need to rush Comprehension pack 2 and other crap too). I also need to finish studying Ecology once. And I also need to finish studying Inorganic Chemistry once. And I also need to finish 4 SCVs by then (this is underestimated, but then again, SCV is a huge pain).

Okay, sayonara.

さよなら

The smell of assessment

2009-09-07T02:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, whatever, this song might have no relation to this post, but like I said, whatever.

I'm still on the topic of feeling backstabbed by my statistics teacher. Yes, I am still mad, but I can't do anything can I?

Anyway, with exams just less than a month away, the smell of assessment is in the air.

And so, I thought, why not I give my view about the modules offered this semester?

First of all, English.
In my opinion, English is the most failed module this year. I guess my teacher wasn't in his top when he taught. And that the school was not conducive enough either. So all in all, a disaster.

Next, Statistics
Statistics is the most boring module ever. Some say Biology is worse. Whichever. Yes, Statistics earn its reputation of being very boring. And I still think the part on Probability isn't well taught although it's quite straightforward for some. But not all.
So yes. And I still feel backstabbed =.=

Polar Coordinates had been a deceptively simple module, but like all those who took the module before, they claim it is not that simple. I think the concepts only deserve 1 mc but we cannot finish the whole module on time. Maybe they should change it to 2mc? Or 1.5mc. Haha.

Animal Physiology brought the greatest shock to me. I was never good at memorizing such stuff, and I kind of suck at a previous module of the same content although the whole level was like going gaga over how nice the teacher was *.*. Apparently, well, not to me. But thankfully this semester is more of logic, not mass memorizing, so I sort of am doing quite well... Hopefully? Haha. And it's a nice module.
But the second shock is that we did not fully cover the syllabus. We are like, only covering half of what we're supposed to, which is, shocking. Yes.

Ecology was never my strongest strength in Biology, in fact, it is one of the worst. I thought I had other Biology as bad as this, but I managed to savage them in the advanced modules series (advanced cell biology, advanced animal physiology...). But for Advanced Ecology, I still suck at it, and like all students, I just can't help but feel I am being picked on by the teacher.
Clearing such thoughts off my head, I still think I don't like the subject by itself. I just think it should be made an enrichment module - like really, even if we learn Ecology in primary school, it is just the concepts and food web. And you just learn all the same things over and over again in high school with some new concepts and case examples (and I suck at this because there's so much to memorize - biomes and all. Hello, Biology not Geography?). And maybe, Ecology as an interdisciplinary subject between Biology and Geography would be more apt than putting it under Biology.
And for it all, Ecology earns the medal of being the most annoying module for me.

Inorganic Chemistry is well, not my strength either. And I kind of realized that by going through over it again... I just can't do exceptionally well in it. Arghhh. Oh well, I guess I just have to work harder. And for that, Inorganic Chemistry earns the medal of being... Hmm, being the one that needs more effort from me (when I say do exceptionally well, I mean like acing everything...).

Medicinal Chemistry is weirdly simple too, but I don't know about others really, but I kind of enjoy the module (as an enrichment). So it earns the medal of being the most digestible module this semester.

Oh and should I count C++ and Japanese too? I have no idea on what to do for C++. Seriously.

C++ should count as the most mind-wrecking thing. And Japanese should win the "I need more time for this" medal.

Okay, time to learn some Japanese before starting on school work. Yes, I slack too much.

And so I feel the evil setting in

2009-09-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

I am really mad about something!

Remember days ago I was whining (okay maybe not? I can't remember) about being careless and all and doing bad for Statistics. Today my Statistics teacher did an evil thing and e-mailed my parents behind my back about how badly I did for Statistics test.

The best part of it all? I was not informed prior, and I was not informed of the mean scores of which he attached in the e-mail.

Thus I feel really backstabbed. Just because I heard people around me complaining scored really low, I thought they did as badly as me (but then I wasn't like complacent, like, oh the level's so low, never mind la. I was like, we all did bad, need to work harder...). But I was wrong.

Apparently I scored way below average. Only to find out in the e-mail. Wtf!

It did not help when I returned home quite late last night, after rushing off to eat some Carl Junior's burgers, and buy some Cartel cakes. Now I feel totally horrid for not knowing my stand in the level until my teacher told my parents about it.

Whatever, and I have always promised to work harder after a failed test/quiz.

But this time, I really think I've tried my best and I am having this reflux thingy - like no matter how much harder I work it's going to be the same.

But well, that is my life. For one, I tried my best to study a bit of English and Japanese a day so that I would improve over time - sort of like my wonderful manager (I am not being sarcastic although I sound like it okay! She's really awesome) who plays the clarinet everyday... I aspire to be like her, so hardworking and all... She's a real new source of motivation for me after I got to know her.

Ah, the hell of being a human. Especially when you go through years of being a student, you feel nothing worse can happen after you graduate. And adults tell you you're wrong.

One thing I know for sure is, if I screw up at work, nobody is going to e-mail my parents saying how bad your son did.

Whatever it is...

2009-09-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

Had a really packed day today! The holidays just sort of began, and...

Let's see, the morning started out like a usual Sunday morning. Haha.

I ate breakfast, had some fish porridge. Yummy.

And then I went out in the noon, after lots of gameplay (spore -.-). I think I should stop playing spore! The exams are coming, and although spore is really fun and addictive, I think I am spending too much time on it! And ew, I regret changing my philosophy! Returning to my planet immediately and safely is way more important and better...

Anyway, rushed to school for Japanese lesson. I suddenly feel really bad for always being late, cause they always WAIT for me before they begin! I don't deserve that waiting, seriously, because, I don't know, I just feel bad!

Anyway, let MG watch the shows I loaded for him. Wonder how long the toot it will take for him to load. -.-

So I went for the Japanese lesson... Learnt quite a lot of stuff today. Still need to memorize more Japanese words. Gah. Ahhh...

And then after that, we left the school, and went to eat Carl Junior's burgers!

Their famous all star burger is sold at $6.30 originally, but because I have this promotion Singtel sent me, I only needed to pay like $3.50. So we ate 3 altogether (damn I was just hungry) and it was awesome! Though it burnt a hole in my pocket...

Then we went to John Little to buy some Gundam stuff. It was cheap! 20% off! And well, I told him to keep mine till the end of the exams, so that then it will be our reward ^^.

Then went to Cartel to get some cakes after 9pm. Bought 2 aunt amy, 1 oreo cheesecake, 1 tiramisu and brought it back home.

K done with this post. Gonna do a bit of English and Japanese before I sleep.

Sayonara

Gift of a friend -- Believe

2009-09-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

Nice video, but I didn't enjoy the song much. Thought the video was wonderful though.

Anyway, today had been a slackish day. Went out for a Scholl warehouse sale and got myself a sandals. Not sure if I like it though. Kind of tired. Went to IMM to buy some fish and ate cartel's fish and chips.

I think Cartel is turning bad. Months ago I liked it. And today, the iced peach drink was dilute, the serving was so small (maybe it's cause one of the fish and chips is complimentary but is that the policy?), and the soup was so dilute. Yuck.

Worse still, bread was not nice.

Okay, complaining too much.

I need to start work tomorrow. And make up for what I did not do today. And tomorrow is still going to be as packed :(

Tokio Hotel - Automatic

2009-09-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Let me just put this as it is: I am not a huge fan of Tokio Hotel, I only like their song, Monsoon. As for automatic, I just thought it was weirdly inappropriate. Maybe it's cause I didn't exactly watch it closely. Oh well.

But I swear Bill is growing into a man already. Which means such teenage rock seems weird... With him around. (or maybe it's the way he looks/clothes he wear).

I don't know. But that's what I think.

Do you know what you're fighting for?

2009-09-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Do you know what you're fighting for?

The struggles you get. When you ask for more time. When you persist in finishing a difficult set of homework.

What do you think?

The one week break just arrived... I am kind of happy. For one, that means not waking up so early everyday. And no lessons. A break from quizzes and tests.

Although I am living each and everyday of my life doing meaningful things, I am happy (and angry sometimes), I still wish for such free days.

This holiday would be a good time to think about some stuff... And catch up on a lot of homeworks.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot on the things I have been doing. I've been fighting for friendships, working conditions and stuff, enrichment, and learning. But I think I have too much on my plate. Is it all worthed fighting for? To push for? Or am I simply just asking too much?

I guess, I know the answer. It's just that I'm unsure.

Anyway, on a totally separate and random note...

I had a sakae buffet today... Somehow the ebi fry was very fresh today... Ate quite a few... Yummy!

And then I forgot to bring the mochi back home to refrigerate. Wtf.

Ahhh.

I am so damn full.

Back in Desperate Housewives Season 1

2009-09-03T09:43:00.001-07:00

What a beautiful video.

Losing the stand

2009-09-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been getting more and more conscious about things in class, especially my grades.

With graduation a year away, some of us are already applying to Universities. I myself am confused as to what I want to do in the future. Medicine or not? Dentistry? Is my hand too shaky (for whatever reason, dumb ass hand)?

But that's so... So... Not concerning what I am doing right now.

So what's up?

I'm quite happy with some things and unhappy about a lot of other things at the same time.

English is, and has always been, on my mind since the end of last semester. It has been in free fall since then, but then I thought things this semester would be better as this semester, everyone would be more focused on task.

But I was wrong. This semester is so short, it's as though teachers are all trying to squeeze possible timeslots here and there to make us have lessons and do work. Time is a huge constraint.

And it will have a major impact on my grades.

As for my other sciences, which should pull me up, I screwed up Stats test. It wasn't that hard, it was the problem with time! And my carelessness in the MCQ... Rawr!!!

Ecology is a huge pain. It is this that took up most of my time, really, but it DOES NOT GIVE RESULTS.

As for Animal Physio, well, I think I am doing alright, perhaps I could scrap an A, but not A+. Sigh.

And then there's Inorganic Chemistry. No matter what people tell you about Organic Chemistry being friggin' hard, it isn't that bad. Inorganic Chemistry is hard because of the way of explaining the godamn answers!!! I haven't fully mastered learning how to answer answers properly, but I feel really sad. I always score the minimum to not have to redo the paper; and those who redo get the same marks as me. Wtf!

I would probably average a grade of B for Inorganic Chemistry. I want an at least an A-!!! $#^#%&

Polar coordinates, on the other hand, seems really simple. But the questions they could give could be exceptionally hard and tough. Sigh... I hope to average at least an A- in the end.

So after calculating my grades, I might not get a really high grade this semester.

And guess what? Thankfully, there is no exam for medicinal chemistry (woohoo~), but I am taking an extra SAT exam. Oh god damn it.

Hostel isn't helping anyway.

There is a bio quiz later, and I am going to study. This ending is quite abrupt I know, but that's all I have to say.

Sigh.

There's a voice inside my head

2009-08-31T22:22:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I've used this video before, but it's The Climb by Miley Cyrus. I don't really like it. Technically fast songs are easily liked by me but I do like slow songs too. But they have to possess a certain level of attractiveness.

I am wondering what it takes for a singer to go famous and lose their fame in just over a few years. Think Christina Aguilera, Celine Dion and gang. Weren't they like the pop/RnB princesses in the 1990s to early 2000s? They have since faded into obscurity...

Okay, that is a bit mean and overly exaggerated. I mean, they still have some fans, but they are not as famous as what they used to be.

Whereas people like Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff (hmm, I think it would be better if she pursued her music career instead of acting... Why GOSSIP GIRL anywya, GG sucks), Taylor Swift, Colbie Caillat, Michelle Branch (uhoh you made the wrong move of doing Country, I think you lost some bit of fans with it), Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry...

Well of course, you should be able to understand how some achieved the fame they had today. Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez and gang are all disney manufactured. Oh I forgot to mention Demi Lovato somewhere. Yes.

But I'm not saying all Disney stars work out really well. Look, Hilary Duff is amongst the few of the earlier generation (before Miley) to be successful. And as for Ashley Tisdale, well, I would consider her being quite successful but not as successful as the others.

But Disney manufactures stars. They provide this platform of advantage over others.

And then what about people like Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Colbie Caillat?

From what I remember, none of them were famous until they had hit tracks.

Rihanna sang Pon De Replay.
Lady Gaga sang songs that no one knew (okay fine, people knew, but I don't know and shan't bother!!! Read wikipedia yourself).
Katy Perry sang "Ur so gay". And that sorta help brought her to a bit of attention but well not until much later...
Taylor Swift sang songs before "Teardrops on my guitar", and even after so, she wasn't that famous and popular (cough, nobody really paid attention to her), until she sang "Love Story".
Colbie Caillat sang "Bubbly" and boom she got famous cause it's awesome.
And Marie Digby! She said her record didn't help promote her enough, so she opened up a youtube account, and she posted videos and tadah she got famous!

These are people who worked through with hard work.

And then what about people like Christina Aguilera and etc?

I guess they faded away because their music isn't what people look up for today...

But there're successful artistes like Mariah Carey (I like her songs but I don't find anything else attractive because I don't know her, not cause I dislike her) who bounced back and she's 39!!! Almost 40!

And Britney Spears... Though I feel she's so last generation ~.~

Haha, yes.

Okay, enough about these stuff.

I wanna say I feel so blessed!

I've people who really love me so much, and I've a few people who are willing to die for me (I'm so touched). Seriously. And how would I know? I'm not telling you, but I would say my method is 97% accurate. Good enough. Haha.

And likewise, I really love them too! Spread the love~

For now, I think love by itself is a really awesome thing. Makes people feel really positive and good.

So anyway, finally, my primary school teachers replied to my sms-es which I sent them yesterday. Didn't visit them because I was coped up in school, and that most of them aren't around already anyway... So yay, they remember me! Cough, I almost forgot I had their numbers, and I feel so bad! But nevertheless I remembered in the end :p.

And other random stuff. About the video. Sure I blogged about it in my last 3 posts.

Okay, it's already 1:22pm, and then there's Biology Quiz and Maths Test tomorrow. Which means time to mug!

I better stop slacking! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Travis Garland - Wonderful World

2009-08-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

Didn't know how the hell this got leaked, and I wasn't even aware of this to begin with, so lalala.

Anyway it reminded me of broadway - and it reminded me of teacher's day performances today!

So I decided to blog. Lol.

Teacher's Day Performance opening was a kind of play done by a class in my level. It was pretty well done (if you compare it with like typical broadway experiences and considering that we're all 17 year olds), but if you compare it with a professional's, it's nowhere there. But I must applaud the effort because it's way better than expected.

Anyway, if you're wondering what I'm talking about, it's basically a drama play.

What they did was that they had a cast of like, I think 9 members dancing, 4 singing (to the music), 3 additional actors stuff, about 4 on drums and background music, and I think a few didn't do anything so yeap.

So anyway, they just sang and then dance. It's awesome.

And I had always wanted to watch such things ever since I saw 1 on Skins...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrMPFm683to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G_ho07-x3w

Later part of the first one.

Okay, well, skins is a bit wild yes, but it's really entertaining for me And anyway, it's British :D. My favourite show.

Okay, I think it's time to sleep. Tomorrow mug 2 subjects! Ahhhhh

I am really super duper happy!

2009-08-31T05:05:00.000-07:00

I feel touched. And really happy.

After uploading my video online it seems like no one appreciated what I did. But finally, I decided to send an e-mail to a friend personally. Thick-skinned, haha. But, well, I WAS SO TOUCHED, CAUSE ALTHOUGH IT IS IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING, HE ACTUALLY LOGIN TO FACEBOOK AND clicked the "like" button. Whether he watched and really liked it or not, I don't know, but I would love to be self-deluded and believe so ^^'''.

But that is really touching! How many people you know would actually bother doing such boliao stuff at 3am when they could be sleeping?! I'm touched!

And then that day I was excited (cause I made a video) but disappointed (cause nobody watched) so I informed a few people here and there personally.

And on that Sunday, they showed me video to the people present. =D Although responses are like not geared towards me being a really nice person but more like "aww those times", but I am happy enough :D.

And finally, today, my beloved manager finally told me that she thought it was awesome! FINALLY! I thought she thought it sucked so she didn't talk to me about it :(. But no, haha, she's da best! :D

And then she sent a message to everyone to go watch the video! Okay, touched :D.

And for whatever reason tonight, maybe my inner conscience starting to act up, I actually uttered a silent prayer to god, thanking him for the food that I have and everything. I am just glad to be a part of it all, although I could be the part of the glass that is stained in the world.

That's a bit abstract? How about I break it down till it's like, totally crap, haha. We're all inter-connected together like a big glass, and then we're all small fragments of it. And then if there's heat we expand (assuming we're not so lousy of course), or we shatter (if it's that lousy). We contract if there's not much heat too... Or shatter XD.

And then some of us just don't fit, and we will scratch and scrap each other's surface or have a missing piece or something. Yea you get it.

Okay, I need to really mug C++ by tonight before MG comes back and then study for my Maths test and Bio quiz tomorrow.

Sayonara.

BTW, because I will be in hostel from tomorrow night on, I will probably be blogging lesser (or none at all) until... I am not in hostel :D.

When you know luck is not on your side

2009-08-31T01:54:00.000-07:00

I am so bloody pissed!

Today was horrible. Series of unfortunate events followed each other. Zzz.

Let's see... First of all, thanks to some waiting and stuff I was kind of rushing for assembly and I only had 1 specific spot to sit. And it's just in front of that godamn person I hate. And that godamn person is like putting his bag so far to the front, I am like sitting on his bag partially. ~.~ And then halfway he realized and then he just swiped his bag back.

Whatever.

Secondly, went back to hostel, my godamn Cadbury Macademia is GONE. I am wondering which idiot stole it, before I report it to the office. Weeks ago my oreo biscuit disappeared. Now it's my cadbury. $#&@#&

Third, the stupid vacuum cleaner is horrible. If the vacuum cleaner is not common property and I'm so sure what I use it to clean, I wouldn't mind cleaning it myself, but it's too yucky.

And so then I went home.

It downpoured.

Damn you.

Before I boarded the train, I wanted to have lunch at Long John Silvers, only to see it fully occupied.

Screw you.

And so I dined outside and went home.

Then I got my maid to carry my things home - but we went the wrong ways and tadah I waited outside my house/under the sun for like 1hour.

=.=

I don't know what else can make you more mad, but for me, I almost reached my limit (and I almost crushed my water bottle made from hard plastic).

I wanna

2009-08-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

I want to do lots of things!

Duh.

But I am in no mood to really spend time blogging meaningful stuff.

As such I will be reusing this video sometime soon.

As for now, I shall go sleep.

Tomorrow is a long day, and I need to mug for my quiz + test!

So sayonara.

I forgot I don't have the choice to sleep till 11xxam tmr. I have school.

Argh.

Bedtime.

At least I get a comfy bed+room.

Kristinia Debarge, music and more

2009-08-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

Listen to this song by Kristinia Debarge. It's Future Love, first done by Varsity Fanclub, but I find that she does it better :D.

I think she's awesome!

Anyway, gonna start listening to the rest of her songs. Some of her fans claim she's better than Jordin Sparks (who I didn't think was awesome, I compared Jordin Sparks to the likes of Kelly Clarkson and Beyonce and Katherine McPhee), but well, will see.

She reminds me a little of Selena Gomez. Must be this shot!

You can try "Goodbye" by her too. Kinda nice... Hmm mm.

"Sabotage" reminds me a little of bollywood for some reason.

By the way, on a really random note, I am going to re-write a new House of Scraps R!

My life has steered onto a completely new direction, and I guess it is time to do so too.

But I will be slacking on the story most of the time... Haha.

Anyway, since I've nothing else much to blog about, I shall talk about some of my most favourite chips!

I realized how much I dislike twisties nowadays, yes, you heard it, I dislike twisties. I used to love twisties, like, love it with a passion, but now I dislike it! The awesome taste seemed to be gone, and then it's nothing but putting some spices in my mouth.

So now my favourite chips is Pringles! Although Cheesy Cheese is kind of bland but it's way better than twisties still...

Oh and my friend bought Lays chips and let me try the other time. MY GOD, IT IS SO BLOODY SALTISH, I SWEAR IT IS SOMETHING I COULD USE TO PERK ME UP (and grow fat, and unhealthy haha...).

Okay, I have some other things to do, ciao!

They try to make me go to rehab

2009-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

The worst is not yet over, but I have gotten through a hurdle in schoolwork recently.

Life hasn't been like a sugar cupcake; in fact, it has been giving me lemons. No, I won't make lemonades with it, because although I can take acidity or sourness or anything to do with lemons, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

I would just say that I've made tremendous project in striking the same frequency with a certain friend of mine, but then at the same time, people noticed the stresslines in my friendship within the class, and some people are riding on this advantage to make me feel uncomfortable.

No matter how much I try to make up by being nice and stuff, there's still this thing called prejudice, and well, whatever, I don't care any longer. But they care enough to make sure their influence spreads to other people who'll work their way into the shell...

There's this guy I know, who really reminds me tons and tons like my previous best friend. So much such that I sometimes delude that they're the same as each other. I've tried communicating with him, but all times, he had been nothing but rude. I guess we aren't meant to be friends, and I've been trying really hard to just not confuse the 2, and really take it that we are never going to be friends. Be it whether he almost knocks into me, he doesn't bother being a little more conscious, or even the fact that he expresses dislike towards me, but really just brushing strongly against me.

Well, either way, I've seen past all that, and all I really need now is a really great reason for me to not get affected by him. I'm trying. I've been trying really hard but somehow things don't seem to be working.

But I guess it will sometime soon.

For now, I guess nothing should change the way I behave, or who I am. I am just what I am, I needn't change just cause people don't like me (unless I think otherwise that is...).

It is just me... And my lonely world.

Transitory Days of Bliss

2009-08-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

Totally irrelevant video with my post.

I am currently in a rather pissed up state.

All thanks to the bloody packed schedule I have gotten myself into!

There is career day tomorrow, and I apparently took up all the slots possible. After following which I have a quiz, and then I have to rush off to my research project (I decided to make myself busy last week to commitment), and then I have to rush off to cluster outing dinner (this is last minute, okay, and is really last minute). And then when I finish, I have a godamn biology lab report to finish (group's deadline, is good, but sadly other things are making me want to shift it...).

And then on the following day, I have to rush 2 Maths assignments, and 1 more Biology Lab Practical.

So much for my cool life luh.

But over the weekends I'll have a good time - till the next time when I return back to school.

Work really comes like big downpours.

I will blog when I find time.

A new world: Are you alive

2009-08-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

This is getting stupid, one by one, the videos I am using are getting pulled down for copyright infringement. Like heloo, why the videos I selected to put on my blog?!

Not like I'm making people download it - they're just watching it and appreciating the songs! And music!

And okay, whatever, I doubt this will ever be taken down, but Marie Digby is really awesome!

Marie Digby's "Say it Again", and now this.

Though I think "Feel" could be improved, but it's kind of good already...

---
On Salt and Boney
Anyway, just thought I'll share some things.

I love nostalgia. And that probably is what makes me a sentimental person - although some might disagree. Either way, some pleasant and unpleasant things have passed and I guess I am accepting it very well for what it is.

It has come to the point that I feel I am moving away from my primary school life - I am shifting, a lot, out of the boandary I once restricted myself of not falling out to. It's like, my primary school is part of my history now, it's no long intertwined with my present.

While some of you say it is good cause I am not living in the history, some of you might say it's bad cause it's a loss to not integrate them together. Regardless, I've integrated what I've learnt over the years together, to become a better person, hopefully.

As for friendships, I guess what's meant to go is meant to go. I've tried, given in my best, but it didn't work out. The others also have their new circle of friends, and they don't see any reason why they should be friends with me any longer. I am fine with that, cause after all, why force something?

I'm no hedonist. I don't preach happiness for myself at all times, but I do want to be considerate about how people feel. So yes, give them my blessings and they're no longer under my charge. Not of my concern, but just, left to fend for themselves, with their new friends and stuff. I've no need to start caring for them any longer.

One thing that I am quite happy about is that they're all still alive and kicking.

It shows me that they, like me, have grown out of their shell, made new friends, and are able to lead better lives.

But regardless, losing a friend is always a pity. If friendships last forever, it'll be good, but I guess it doesn't work for all.

---

On learning
It is probably because of Boney and Salt, that I am less dependent on them, and quite happy in a way. Not having to be tied to any commitments, relationships or anything, gives me more time for schoolwork. And it's working. My grades improved tremendously last semester. Nobody, except 1 (my beloved best friend, who I love really deeply), and maybe my family, is more significant than my schoolwork. Thus I worked really hard to prove myself worthy of being a science student.

But at the same time, I am taken aback by many new things that came along. My ambitious projects, on learning about the world, about introducing music to a fellow friend, about learning about religions, economics and all seem really ambitious to cover all at one go. Some people might know about such things, at my age, a complete overview about all those, but no, I did not have the time as a child, and my knowledge about the world was limited to a few countries like Thailand, China, US, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and a few others back when I was 13. You could say that's little, or a lot, but I knew nothing about the Korea-s back then.

Either way, since then, I have learnt a lot more things, and I am still learning till today. The exact details, everything, makes me appreciate what is happening a lot better.

It is like, a new version of me, now.

---

On my emotions

I would say I am a lot less emotionally inclined, though I still am. I am a lot happier these days. I am always troubled, and I am still am, just lesser. I have learnt to control moodiness better I guess...

I've met lots of helpful people along the way, be it good or bad. I am mad at some people, but at the same time, someone reminded me that "women bear grudges". Wow, whee, that sure helped a lot. I know I can never make that person be truthfully nice to me, so I decided that I shall not keep trying anymore. And that means... Nevermind XD.

---

I have to sleep. That's all for now.

A new world: The beginning and future

2009-08-21T23:08:00.000-07:00

Ryan Cabrera's On the way down.

I had initially wanted to use the previous song by Tokio Hotel but it got removed ~.~

Anyway, yay, I am finally blogging! Though I promised to blog yesterday or something.

I wanted to blog about the past few months when I stopped blogging (even on the other blog server). Okay let's see... Where did I stop?

Something about the post-Japan hosting.

Weeks ago my school hosted a bunch of Japanese students from Kyoto. I was happy to be a buddy :). Learnt a lot from the trip, and I guess till now, I am also learning more about it...

The weeks that followed was really troubling and vexing. First of all, I had to get rid of the huge pile of work, which I successfully did. And then finally, another week later, I had a Tioman trip, and it was fun, but it took up a great deal of my time. And then the following week, a fellow classmate hosted a buddy from Taipei, and again, it caused me a great deal of stress.

There's this issue between me and my classmate going on, and we were in the midst of clearing it up and piling things on top of it again.

But finally, well, we did, and in the process of it, we knew each other better. She's a hedonist - fun, fun, and just fun. I never exactly thought hedonists just existed that easily - especially in this world today. But there she was. So I started thinking lots more things through...

And on one separate day, I had a chat with my mentor and I told him lots of things about me - some things that most teenagers wouldn't face at all. And then I hinted to him about some problems I'm facing in school, and then he told me stuff which he also applied to himself. Be more sincere, keep trying, try harder.

And on that very same day, at night, my toiletmate decided to become a bit more social and came over and chatted with me. About various stuff but the take home message for me was that Singaporeans are just generally apathetic.

Which is true, and I've always known it along, just subconsciously. Anyway, it didn't really hit me - until the very next day when what both of them told me the day before kept ringing in my ear. And then I started emo-ing. You're telling me to try harder and persevere, when everyone is just so apathetic?!

Either way, I got past that stage, cause it's a sad thing for us humans, but it is just so.

And then came the time to communicate with that hedonist. She's like so able to filter whatever she wants to hear and not. Kind of annoying if you ask me. Sometimes I think she doesn't care what people think, so in a way, it's called apathy.

---

Other than these current issues I am facing, I am in a better place than what I used to be. I'm not tied down by anything much, and it was this kick I really needed the whole semester and maybe before. I needed to be less in tune with people, but more in tune with my work, which is affecting me a great deal. Turning cold again, neh? I don't know.

My mentor says regardless of whatever we do, we will always receive criticism. I guess then, that means we all should achieve a balance of whatever we do - and have our sense of what is right, and what is wrong.

That is something I am going to live by.

But for now, I am striving to be a better person, from what I am. I need to balance between coldness and heat, I guess. So yeap.

And that's all for now.

I've learnt a lot of things from the past week which will probably carry on for the rest of my life, probably.

And now, I am learning Japanese and C++. Will talk more on those next time.

Tons of things I would blog about

2009-08-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

--Note: Be reusing this video for the next post--

I've so many things to say and tell about.

Things happening in my life for the past few months.

Fragments've been told here and there.

But anyway, I haven't any time to blog now.

So I will blog tomorrow.

Tons of stories to tell.

Be sure to check back if you want to know.

But for now.

Maths test tomorrow.

And I will study.

1255th Post - Welcome to the mixblog

2009-08-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Paramore - Ignorance

Guess what peeps!

I did stop blogging at my old blogs, and I shifted to another blog server, but aww, I decided to actually combine all my OLD posts into 1 blog - this!

No, I didn't close my other blogs down, I merely imported them over here.

Some of them overlap a little so pardon it :D.

As for my other blog in another server - I am still wondering whether I should blog here or there.

Haven't had time to post in months!!!

Alright, that's it for now.

Hola!

2009-05-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well I always didn't want to use another Spice Girls video, but this time I am! The reason is simple, this blog is closing down, so how many such videos can I post?!

Anyway, exams are over, and I'm on a rock and roll, things have been happening, I suddenly feel extremely blessed now, I'm in one of the most happiest state of position that I could ever be, having received the confirmations for exchange programmes and specialized projects.

And yes, I have created another blog somewhere over the rainbow. If you can find it, good for you! If not, it's alright. There're many good blogs out there.

Hmm, let me update you with some things that are going to happen over the holidays!

1) I am going to learn Photoshop.
I'm really bloody annoyed with myself being incapable at editing photos well. Now that's gonna change!
But yesterday I was trying to make this Eunos Pri-sch logo look nicer and clearer, but amongst all the photos, I only have 1 small and blur one. -.- So I scaled it up, and I tried outing the right areas again, only to be really disgusted with it and decided to just use the blur one. =_=. I realized I work better with Paint on this. But still, there is no PAINT ON MAC! WTF!

2) I am going to learn how to create my own blogcode.
This is really something very sad, because of a few reasons.I'm moving to a new site that doesn't require HTML codings. And the only place I can practice using a new blogskin is the net!

3) Internship and stuff
This is really going to be tedious, I am really lazy in finding out information from people, because it is ANNOYINGLY irritatingly long!

4) Outings and more outings
Despite of having more than 12 outings in hostel this year, which are extremely short, I am going to bring the number up to at least 15 this holidays!

5) Projects, projects, projects!
I really hope to really carry out this really ambitious thing. It's been ongoing for a few months already, and I'm glad MG actually found this useful, apparently making him more "open-minded". That's one thing for ya, the second thing is you get to open up a whole new world for you to explore. It's like, cutting the trees down that borders each path. You can change your path anytime :D.

And that's really all I have for you!!!

Till then... See you again (on my new blog).

Bye bye! Thanks for reading.

Crash world

2009-05-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

Haha, crash world, one of the songs I like by Hilary Duff... Had it on my computer last time, and it gave me a lot of problems cause the song ended like 2 minutes later (without any lyrics). Then I had to go edit the song length =.=''' Which was kind of retarded.

Anyway, guess what? I'm changing my blog again!

No, I won't be staying on blogspot again I guess. I'm a bit sick of it and want change.

So I'm going to do a questionaire thing to answer why I am changing blog.

---

Q. Why are you changing blogs?
Well, all I got to say is, some things worked out, some things don't. It just felt this magical era around me is gone, is over, when things fell apart last night. I don't know, but when I created this blog, all I had in mind was that I want to be as honest, as truthful as I can.

Somehow people think I am being overly assertive, that I am a little "brainwashing". Some people hate that I deny that I am rich, when I can still survive on 3 meals a day. But that's not my definition.

I don't feel that way at all. Rich, to me, means getting a personal chauffeur and all...

But anyway, I felt I was kind of exploited. And if this blog is doing more harm than good, why not?

Q. You sure that's the reason why?
Yes, that's the reason why. And there are of course many reasons.
I have had quite a few blogs, say maybe 8? This is one of my more longer running blogs - I don't like shutting blogs down, but some times I just did.
Sometimes, I close down my blog because I want privacy. Sometimes, due to the lack of readership (which didn't bother me).
But this time, I'm closing down my blog to moving to a more obscure hosting page - no, I am not looking for much readership at all, to be frank - but I realized some things worked out and some things don't. Oh I repeated this point.
I wanted communication, but I got none. All I got was that I was the only one talking. I talk to people, not with people.

That isn't what I want. Not at all. I didn't ask for it. But who did?

Q. Will you be returning to this blog then? Some time later?
Probably not. Why should I return to this, when I have much more incentives to return to my older blog, which already has a buildup of over a 1000 posts?

Q. Please finish up all loose ends on this blog.
This is going to take a while. My first post, referring to Boney, remains as it is. It's over well. I've gotten over him. Really.
Some things regarding my school, I can't tell you.
About Salt, well, I guess it's over. I've sent my apologies over. I don't know, but I did notice I was the first to apologize last night. To me it didn't matter, but it did strike me somewhere. I apologized about 3 times or more I think. But if she doesn't accept it, so be it. Not like I can do anything about it. Like she says, I am always "brainwashing" her. Which I shan't.
She's no doubt one of the reason I'm closing down this blog. But whether she accepts my apology or not, I am still closing down my blog.
I can't change automatically. I can't just say "oh I shall stop emo-ing" and be like that for the rest of my life. It takes a transitory period. I'm changing my blog, so now, I can emo for all I want, without any other consequences. Hopefully.
And like I said, I wanted effective communication. But it didn't work out. I thought communication was the key to everything. To settling arguments. To everything. But not all were willing to do it my way. And like I said, one of the problems with me is that I try to create an ideal world where people follow my laws and live in harmony >.> apparently they don't.
So since my ideals don't work on everyone, and some people just dislike working on it, what for, preach about it to them? I still like preaching though. So that's what the new blog is for. I can do whatever I want there. And if people find out about it, it's not my fault, because I didn't force them to read or anything.
So that's it for Salt. I've said my piece. She has said hers. I can do nothing about it anymore.

Q. Don't you think it's a pity for you and Salt to end up like this?
Yes. But everything takes 2 hands to clap. To break up. To get back. It all takes both parties together. I'm saddened, obviously, by her lack of communication on her part to say everything out. She finally did on her blog. Which, I felt was way better if she told me earlier. I went too far on some things, and already apologized for that. If I don't get a reply from her like, I don't know, a few days later, I'll just assume it's over.
Like my teacher said, if we're suffering, don't suffer in silence. Let us (the teachers) know. In my opinion, if I am suffering, I'll just push for my rights and just yell out what the hell is happening.
Apparently, not everyone does that.

Q. Enough about Salt. Tell us about your new blog.
My new blog is much more free to be me. Maybe, I will do less of just talking about emotions, but more on things that happen - and put a sidenote there like about comments/what I felt happened.
The old style blogging, like I am always used to.
I tend to be always mistaken for over-exaggeration when I react online to the way people talk. Whatever la. I'm always misunderstood by many anyway.
Oh, and yes, 1 new feature of my blog is that I am only going to type in perfect English, just like the way I used to talk! It's weird, it's a pity. Years ago, I speak Singlish, and then I stopped, and then I started again. So, now I shall revert back to proper English (and thus hopefully improving my writing and stuff).

Q. Will it be something like this blog?
I'm the same old me, ain't I? Well, there will be quite a lot of differences.
First up, I might not put up videos on each post on a regular basis (for this blog, as far as I can remember, all except at most 6 did not follow this formatting).
And my blogging style will be more... Not so varying. I guess.

Q. What about as compared to the old blog?
There're elements of my previous blogs that I want to bring forward, like story writing, etc. But it all takes time to churn out all these things. I'll see, as time goes by.

Q. What about the stories you wrote?
Till today, they are my most precious pieces of work that I have. Of course, with time, and support, I can write better things. But it's hard to find time. And when the moment's gone, your writing style change, your content changes.
I want to publish them online, but I have reasons not to. My stories aren't written by an expert. Yes, I am no expert at writing. My writing sucks. I know.
Unless it's some really good author like JK Rowling or something, I'm not confident of getting my work up online. It will receive lots of criticism, lots of comparing and stuff.
And I am of course afraid that people will criticize my writing / and/or steal my ideas! It's quite personal and close to the heart...

Q. Any last words?
Haha, as far as I know, nobody really follows this blog like, read it religiously or what. And my last words are not in this questionaire. It's after this questionaire.
But anyway, I really thank you for reading my blog if anyone does ever chance onto this blog. I won't be closing this site down, unless something happens someday, but I will leave it online.
I hope you did enjoy that I tried finding a music video to put it up whenever there's a new post, so you can enjoy the music...
I know, I'm sometimes too much of an NLT fanatic. Well, they're history now, sadly.
Guess that's all.
---

It's amazing how soul-true (read: so true) has come up to over a 100 posts... Haha, quite an amazing feat to me.

It's a pity I want to close it down. But when I am still alive, the spirit of this blog still lives.

Jonas Brothers - Paranoid

2009-05-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

I really hope I'm paranoid.

But people are seriously starting to piss me off...

First up on my family's side.

My father wanted to throw away a bunch of old notes, and my sister didn't want to go through her old pile of notes since it was really dusty. So she got me to do so. And then I just searched through those I want and she got up some she wanted, and as I was throwing the notes down, the dust was swept off the ground... And then my sister swiped this piece of paper onto this area below my eye cause the dust hit her -.-

So anyway I whacked her butt and that's it.

Pissed for the night, stopped packing and stuff.

Secondly, McDonalds' cups.

I don't know, but I believe people have different weird quirks! I know my aunt love to collect different angbao designs (to me it's weird). But one of the few things I love to collect is those nice Coca Cola cups!

They look really cool, really, and I'll love to have the full set. But sadly, staying in hostel really makes me like a frog in a well (jing di zhi wa). Didn't know about it until recently.

So anyway, apparently, Salt knew that I wanted it really badly, but when she went to Macs today, she didn't help me check when it was until... She claimed she "forgot".

I don't know, but as of late, I felt extremely annoyed with her.

Some people love to type "aww" and "lols" togther. But I just don't like someone to say "aww" as to represent that they know that what I'm saying is sad. Cause, "aww", usually denotes sympathy, and sometimes some things sweet. But no, I don't like it used. For a few reason.

I don't feel that it's sympathetic to use the "aww lols" together. "LOL" just means Laugh Out Loud, literally, but nobody really does laugh out loud when they "lol" nowadays... Kinda ironic, isn't it? It's like laughing deep within.

But the message I receive when someone says "aww lols" together is that "aww (sad) lols (like i give a damn)".

Definitely doesn't sound sympathetic.

But anyway, whatever got into me, I did feel annoyed, over the multiple times that has ever happened. So once, (as according to her), while she was telling me something sad one day, I kept typing "lols" all the way... Call that unsympathetic or what, but the last time I remembered doing so, all I just have on my mind was that, "hey, now you know what I feel!".

But that's just what I think. Cause I really don't remember the event.

And I was kind of mad with her as of late. Not with her hectic and busy poly life. Not with her never-ending busyness going out with her friends and stuff... But more with, why can't she do simple stuff for me?

I don't know, but I view it as a symbolism of whether I matter to her, as a friend of course. You'll do more things for your best friend than you would for a good friend, wouldn't you? Yeap, that's what I mean.

And for stuff like, checking the date for the cup, giving me my privacy that I tried really hard to have... It wasn't there at all.

I trusted her with my private facebook account and stuff. But apparently, her friends have access to her facebook account, which just makes me really mad, cause I didn't want my photos to be available to any other person! Worst still, people I dislike MIGHT have access to her facebook.

And I really felt quite "shortchanged", in a way. It's like, one day, she was on board bus 55... And she was thinking it would go to Bugis, but she asked me to check. Apparently, it didn't, and after helping her check it out, I told her about it, and she swopped buses.

I thought such stuff were really simple, and I would, of course do it for a friend. But I didn't really expect her to not do the same for me...

But give her the credit.

She claimed she was pissed with me of late, that I've been insulting her here and there. No doubt I have, but I was firstly thoroughly pissed with her "aww lols' which I have already said it in front of her, directly, telling her how I felt. But she claimed it was normal and stuff. Which, to me, felt really uncomfortable.

I said her taste of music sucks. Which, in my opinion is true. She doesn't appreciate any music I sent her (and I really doubt my taste in music sucks, cause I have sent her at least 20 music videos altogether!), and all she would say it's "soso". I don't know, but I felt that what I wanted to share was "unimportant" in her eyes - it's like, "oh why the hell are you giving me tons of lousy songs to listen that I would never like?"

But that is purely in my opinion. What really sparked off this comment was that she claimed she didn't listen to a song that I did send her tons of months ago - to be exact, close to 1 years 2 months ago! It was even blogged about. Apparently, I didn't matter much to her huh...

Yes, everybody have important stuff to do. Much more important stuff to do than for their friends. But what are you willing to do for your friend? What do you expect from your friend?

I'm, in fact, not really pissed off. What's the point of getting pissed when, I can't do anything about the fact that she "forgot" to check it. It's already forgotten, and over. So I'm not pissed.

All I'm upset with is why the hell did she have to get so pissed and disappear off.
~.~ I was the one who's supposed to be pissed! She forgot to check the date for my cup...

I guess I'll leave a week or 2 to chill down or something. After all, I should be able to leave this aside after a week. And hopefully she does. Or else 10 years of friendship'll be wasted.

---

Anyway, it's mother's day today! Didn't really do anything. And as of late, I haven't been blogging much either. Lots of things going through my head. I've been mass mugging, studying for my exams that are coming up in a few more days. I just hope I don't die too badly.

I have huge major plans coming up after the exams... Will see what I can do about them. Wahaha.

Peace.

Breathe slow

2009-05-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've tons of work to do.

Exams. Biochem, Organic Chemistry, English.

It just seems like nothing's ever going into my head =(.

So, now, I need to rush.

Before I DIE.

Please, please, focus!

Save me...

2009-05-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

Kinda miss Evanescence.

Yesterday was AP. Hope I did okay to score a 5... Although I think I kind of screwed up a little, rawr, I realized I made a mistake in Section I Part A when I was doing Section I Part B! T____T 1.25marks gone.

And Section II was just weird. Hmm, think that's all I can say... Just screwed up mostly. ALL GC'S FAULT! T___________T.

Anyway, I have a fear I might get a 4. Hopefully, I can still scrap a 5 or something. Heh.

Oh wells.

Today, the neighbours were still having construction... So...

THEY WERE BLOODY NOISY. Left home, went to Bedok Library and studied for a while... Before disappearing off to KFC to eat some snack. Had Zinger meal. So did MG. We ordered everything same (the Zinger student meal) except the drink. I got a Root Beer and he got a Pepsi. Hahaha.

Then we went to walk around... And cause I was hungry... We went to eat some Donuts!

Bought 6 from Munchy Donut at $7.00. WAHAHHA.

If my memory doesn't fail me, this was what we ordered (we shared):
2 x Duran Duran
1 x Forest On Fire
1 x Tiramisu (something)
1 x Blueberry RBP or something.
1 x cheese-custard-popcorn on top.

Hahaha. It was super yummy!

Still, I think the Duran Duran's one the best... Tiramisu was quite good too. Forest on Fire had Blueberry which I suspect is Jam. And the Blueberry RBP too. The cheese-custard popcorn thing is just weird. The popcorn's coated with chocolate on top of the donut!

But anyway, it was YUMMY. Love them. Have some pictures but not sharing with you all.

BYE!

2009-05-03T01:15:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. 我累了。

I want to laze down on my bed, and look at the endless clouds that fly by.
我很想懒惰地躺在床上，看着天上的云飘来飘去。

Despite being a year older, a year wiser, I feel that I'm becoming weaker as the days go by.
虽然我大了，应该更英明，但是我觉得我却变的更弱了。

I'm not as strong anymore. I give up easily.
我不在象以前那么坚强了。我很容易就放弃。

And though it's just a few more weeks till school have another break, I can't seem to take it anymore.
虽然只是在多几个星期后就会放假了，但是我仿佛承担不了多几个星期。

Time seems to be crawling really slowly...
时间好想拖的很慢。。。

I need to be stronger.
我需要更坚强。

To work, I progress! Ganbette!
为学业猛进！加油！

Too much of the watermelon head

2009-05-02T05:10:00.000-07:00

It was like any other random day in Singapore... Except that the night was much cooler than usual. It was years before today. Probably in the 1990s.

My buddy, MG and I stepped into this bookshop. Apparently, the bookshop was a rather old one. It had tall ceilings, and the books were placed on short wide tables. The books were spreaded out quite widely, and it was kind of empty.

As we entered the book shop, my eyes landed sight on this tall human figure in a school uniform. The school uniform had a tinge of gray, sort of like, a powdery colour of some sort. Probably green. But anyway, a man was wearing it. He was speaking loudly in Chinese, to 2 little kids in front of him, who don't seem to be bothering about him much.

These 2 little kids are from the same school too, apparently, wearing the same uniforms. Probably secondary 1 or 2. In their hands, they held onto yu-gi-oh cards. Old ones. Those fading colours show so. And they only had few cards in their hands. Probably poor.

Anyway, as I passed by them, the voice of the man in the uniform was extremely familiar. He sounded like someone I knew, and I just need to confirm it. But he didn't have such a well-rounded figure.

As the kids left and I walked around the guy to look into his face, away from his back, I saw him. He was who I thought he was, but weirdly, a little fatter, and younger.

Before long, he turned away from the kids and whacked my head.

Our conversation started in Mandarin:

Him: 岂有此理 (What the fuck!) 盯什么盯！(Stare what stare)
Me: 对不起，你很象我知道的一个人。(I'm sorry, you looked like someone I knew).
Him: 我的小学老师？(My primary school teacher?)
Me and him together: 他什么名字？(What's his name?)
Him: 瘦？ Thin?
MG: 对呀。 Ya.
Me: 不是很瘦啦。。。比你瘦但不是那么瘦。 Not really, thinner than you but not really thin.
...List of descriptions...

As he continued, I realized that the descriptions really match the person I knew. And as I tried to pester him for the name of his "primary school teacher", he just ran away and hid away from us...

And bam, I woke up from the dream.

Apparently, I've been dreaming too much of the level head, this monster, who I call watermelon. Well. Watermelon head sucks anyway. So yeap, that was one weird dream of mine =).

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

I just watched the movie yesterday night, and it was awesome! Though some parts were confusing, but most of the action scenes were so awesome, there were tons of adrenaline rush!

But first of all, fans of x-men, you might like and not like the movie. For a few reasons.

1. Wolverine's actual name is James. And his brother is called Victor. And Victor calls James Jimmy.

2. Gambit isn't as cool as you think he is. My first impression of the Gambit was Willy Wonka.

3. Blob's funny. Haha. Bob Blob.

4. Unexpectedly Victor turns to the dark side and becomes Sabretooth when you first thought James the more evil one.

5. Movie didn't really explain what happened in the scene after James and Victor left.

6. Deadpool/Weapon XI looks really, really, disgusting.

7. Felt some characters were underplayed. E.g. the lightning guy. The one who can control electricity. And Blob! And the guy who can teleport.

8. Victor's claws are not only dirty, his hands are too (wtf! I think although he spends much of his time attacking things, he can still afford clean hands).

9. Kayla Silverfox is Emma Frost's sister.

10. Cyclops appears in the movie. What an interesting kid.

Anyway, I enjoyed the movie the first time I watched it. Definitely worthed the time to watch it. But as for re-watching, I'm not sure.

Here's a rating I'll give:

3.89/4.00

Catch the movies soon =).

17... My most wasted year of my life

2009-05-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

Not anything to do with the movie 17 Again whatsoever. I'm really losing touch with civilization - I feel so backward nowadays.

But I've to rant something. This year, is the year that I think my life is most wasted thus far.

Hostel isn't helping. First of all, I think the idea of hostel is good. Yes, good, you heard me. But I think it's one of the worst things I never fought for myself, to escape from. Laundry services were horrible, roll-calling was stupid, the management is irritating in the organization of events. And what, the food, is MAKING ME REALLY FAT. Tell me, why do you feed me with so much oil, then blame it on my lack of exercise? How about you feed me with less oil, and then I'll still be thin with the same amount of exercise I have, won't I?

Anyway I fell sick on Thursday. What luck. Headache. It got worst in the night. ARGH. Lucky I got painkillers.

I really can't get over how hostel is ruining my life. Despite people telling me to take things in my stride and live the best I can, focus energy on where I can, I just can't. I can try to just grit my teeth tightly, and try to ignore the fact that hostel sucks badly, and do my work, start projects which I want. But no, I can't stay this way.

I just can't be any more efficient than I can ever, with hostel as a hindrance.

I really think that my 17th year is the year that I actually wasted the most.

1. Hostel decreases your efficiency with lousy internet connections.
Speak about sharing your internet with the whole school! What a stupid idea. For the community? Let me tell you something. It might be true that students need to stop multi-tasking to study better. But then their efficiency drops further when they can't multi-task - and there's a reason why students from some countries accomplish tons of hours of activities in just a few - we multi-task. For the better. And that's the reason why kids like us are not handing in homework punctually and stuff. It's really annoying.

2. Food. There's this economic crisis now, the least you can do is cut back on the oil you all spend cooking your food. I've a feeling you all spend 15liters of oil or more to cook for us students daily. And that's. a lot.

3. Privacy. Tell me, why the hell, did you have to hack into my laptop to see what I do? That's an invasion of my privacy. For that, I am not staying in hostel, not ever again.

4. Laundry. Your mass laundry service sucks bad. I'm really unsatisfied with this. What's with the missing things here and there. Time limitation. ETC. Waste of time man.

5. Nuisance. Why the hell do I have to share toilets with my toiletmate who have the privilege of a door that he can open and close whenever he wants to?!

6. Roll-Call. Tell me, why can't you put roll-call time at 10? So I can choose not to stay up so late? Fuck you.

7. Internet. Why do you always have to shut down the Internet at 12? Though you sometimes switch it on later, it INT INTERRUPTS MY WORK. FUCK YOU.

And many more. If, my grade for this semester doesn't improve, bye bye hostel, I am not going to stay here anymore. I've had enough. Falling sick like that with minimal care and all... I rather rent a room somewhere else. Boarding programmes sucks too.

I hate you. I hate life. I hate everyone right now. In a really detestable mood. Fuck off.

NLT have broken up

2009-04-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

Weird that nltonline.org was not loading on my page, so I went to nltsecrets instead. and then got directed to travis' myspace (which, has been failing to load on my comp for the past few weeks). Apparently NLT have broken up.

As from his blog:

the end of NLT.
Category: Life

There's been a lot of rumors going around about "the end of NLT". I've been really wanting to clear things up, but that wasn't up to me. There was a lot of things going on that had to be cleared up before this statement could be written. Thank you all for your patience & for your understanding.

What has NLT been up to?

As individuals, a lot. I've been working on my solo project. Kevin is shooting a new show on Fox called "Glee". And I'm sure JJ & V will fill you in when they're ready on what they've been up to.

Is NLT done?

There's no easy way to say it.. but yes. Unfortunately, the group is done. We aren't together anymore.

Being in NLT has been a dream come true for me & I know it was for the other boys too. Thank you, all of you, for helping us to make that dream a reality.

As much as a few people might think the blame lies with one person, it doesn't. It doesn't rest on my shoulders. Just like it doesn't rest on kevin's. Just like it doesn't rest on jj's, or on v's. There's no sense in pointing the finger at anyone, because you have to understand that everyone involved wanted this to work & put their heart and soul into their efforts to make it work. Blaming someone may make you feel better about it.. but the simple fact is.. one singular person didn't cause this. It took a complicated mess of things to break up NLT. The label wasn't prepared to spend more money on the group. There was a legal situation holding us back. Kevin got a great opportunity that would require a lot of his time. At some point you have to sit back & evaluate the big picture. Where do we go from here? Given the situation.. we didn't have many options. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Maybe we surrounded ourselves with some people that didn't have our best interests. Maybe it wasn't the right time for a boyband to break. Really though, it was a number of things combined, on the business side, that made it impossible for things to continue the way they were. If there's one thing I want to get across it's that. This breakup wasn't a "fight between the boys" thing. I want everyone to know that it was NOTHING between us boys that caused this. I love those boys to this day & I support them and wish them nothing but success in whatever they do. If you are a true fan of NLT, then i really feel like you would feel the same way, towards all of us.

So there's your explanation. It's been really rough to deal with on a personal level and if you think i'm blowing this whole thing off easy, you couldn't be more wrong. None of this has been easy, it was a hard ending. I wish you guys could've been here, on our side of the telescope to see everything more clearly. But it is what it is.

I know this blog was a trip. To date, it's the most personal blog I've written. As it should be. It took me a lot of revisions trying to say everything i wanted to say, but i leave you with this. There's a reason for everything. Even if sometimes things don't work out the way we'd like. Ultimately I can only ask for your understanding & ask that you guys show all of us the same love & support as individuals that you've shown us as a group over the last few years. I can't do what I do without all of you behind me & wouldn't want to.

As always, I love you all.

peace.

TG.

Well yea, NLT's over. But I still like their music. So... Even if they've broken up, I guess I can still listen to Travis Garland's songs! He's quite a good musician. And as for the others... Hmm, wait until they're up to something? Glee doesn't really appeal to me, weirdly.

Well till then... Dead and Gone is so awesome! Now I need to shift my focus onto another band/singer.

Okay, blog later.

All Good Things do come to an end.

Meiji Pucca

2009-04-30T05:59:00.000-07:00

I swear, I love Meiji products!

But of course, that's my favourite product. Tried the Strawberry and Chocolate flavour before... They're delicious! Love the crispy outer covering! I find it better than Hello Panda... And if I'm not wrong, the price for this is more steep. HMMM.

Their yoghurt's also quite nice!

Okay, a lousy review by me, but all I can say is Pucca is less creamy than Hello Panda, but the outer is crispier and way nicer. I prefer this to Hello Panda, anytime.

Visit Meiji's website (oh and the best thing is that those you buy from Singapore are products of Singapore :))

http://www.meiji.co.jp/
http://www.meiji.com.sg/index.php

2009-04-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

http://niyasworld.blogspot.com/2008/10/chinese-sesame-peanut-candy.html

Picture as taken from niyasworld.blogspot.com :D

Well hello all!

Today I'm going to introduce you to my new favourite candy! It's the one above. Whatever it's called, it's really delicious!

My parents always buy it for prayers every year - but somehow, I like it exceptionally much this year!
Usually I like the chewy one, but this one is SOOOO deliciously irresistible. Hahaha.

Maybe I'm gonna try making it!

XOXO

I can't be defeated

2009-04-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

This song's quite different from Anastacia's usual work... Haha. Even much different from the rest of her newest album. Hmm mm.

Anyway, today's a HOT saturday. Was expecting it to rain but it didn't (yet). Oh well.

Lots of stuff have been going through my mind, the things I want to do, etc. I need to rush up on reading and organizing a piece of work on Singapore! Heh.

And then rush through my English project, which, well, I think I'm progressing well? Ha. Need more research though. But where? What?

Anyway, think I know how to find my way out of this mess...

---

Went to my aunt's house for steamboat dinner tonight!
There were lots of food - though I wished there was pork liver, but for the sake for everyone's health, those present, there wasn't.

And I'm kind of glad. My mother's blood pressure shot up to a 154! That's crazy, I tell you.

And my mother felt so sick in the noon, she got my father to drive her back, and she came back, vomited, and slept on her bed without bathing.

I, on the other hand, had a battle to face with the weather in my room. Unaware of anything that's happening outside my room, I was creating an artificial biosphere within my room blasting air-con, hoping to feel a bit colder. But, I was sweating.

Anyway, having not resist the heat, I fell asleep, completely resisting the horrible weather outside.

So I woke up to find that my mother was back :o But I didn't find out about her blood pressure then, though.

Anyway, my mother spoke to my aunt, and according to my aunt, her blood pressure ever rose up to 200! I wonder how come she haven't died yet =\

Okay, that was mean. But seriously! >140 is considered really high.

Anyway, there were prawns, pumpkin, lots of other vegetables, chicken, pork, fish, meatballs, fishballs, tofu, etc.

Had a nice dinner. It was so weird, cause lots of people didn't come, for a reason or another. Exams, holidays, etc. How good it would be, if I live abroad? Hahaha... Wishful thinking. Singapore's still 1 of the best places to live in.

That's all for now... Whee.

We don't mess around

2009-04-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hola!

Today's a sleepy Thursday, teacher tried completing all NAPFA stations... Hmm I didn't clear Standing Broad Jump, Pull Up and Shuttle Run... Oh why should I bother anyway? Stupid anyway. 2.4km too! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. He shifted it to Wednesday 5:30pm.

Just a random thought: When a person turns old, and his hair turns white, will his pubic hair and armpit hair turns so too?

Okay, that's disgusting and probably would make you puke. Pardon me XD.

I'm just curious. Hey, curiosity is good! Unless it really does kill the cat (course not).

Anyway, hung around in school, before disappearing off to Clementi to buy the McValue lunch. Spent all my money, and I still owe people money. So much for topping up my ezlink card with $20 and spending $6.90 on haircut without claiming the money yet...

But anyway, bought a strawberry sundae! YUMMY!!!

Something's really wrong with me these days - when I start bleeding, I can't seem to stop! And I nearly blackout in the toilet. I hope it's not diabetes =(.

Hmm. Was about to rush back to school when my Math teacher stopped me. It was weird. He was calling for my name in the public, and under the hot scorching sun, I was wondering who the hell it was! But saw him in the end, and the conversation was like he was saying that I'm eating junk food (which I presume he wants me to feel bad or something) and I said it's cheap. And then he responded with 'oh okay. erm. at least you're walking. losing some weight.'

Something along that line. Lalala.

Anyway. Had fillet o' fish and the meal back at hostel... Which reminds me. There are still leftover fries! Oh no. Tomorrow then. Hmm mm.

Anyway, rest of the day was spent training my pet in pet society, and me taking an hour afternoon nap. Which is probably why I'm not asleep as of yet. Just not tired enough.

Anyway! Enough of school's lousy teachings, I've more important things to do! I'm not a dumbo, seriously. I might not be the one ace-ing everything at school, but I try my best.

But at the same time, I also want to manage my own personal life! Which I'm clearly starting to lose hold of... Really annoying.

I came up with my own set of programmes which I wanna run. But then, I don't have time to! I want to chat with teachers, but I just can't find the time and mood to. And, I wanted to write stories, but it got stuck somewhere in Chapter 3 (thanks to school's workload).

But anyway, taught MG some music sampling. Next up is for him to explore different types of music! It's rather simple actually. I told him to go read up on Spice Girls, and I didn't specify what depth, meaning, if he likes it, he will read more. If not, well, it's fine. But just exposure to different music and stuff would probably make him understand why so many teenagers like music.

Now what I want to do now is really different... I want to study the world quite closely. It's a little ambitious but it's possible. I don't think I'm knowledgeable about the globe. Like about the latest stuff concerning North Korea, the Taliban and all those things. Would be great to read up though, but what, I need time!

Thanks to wikipedia. Hahaha. It's way easier to search for information now... Just. Whee.

It's a bit ambitious. But I hope it works out sooner or later. Whee.

Bedtime. Soon.

THROWDOWN

2009-04-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Quite late already, and I don't plan on a really detailed post, but things have been really fast-pacing these days.

My mentor, who I shan't name, but shall call him Mr H, has been going through some things lately. I disliked the fact that he's really assertive on some things, and is quite demanding in class affairs. But whatever, sometimes all of us just shrug it off.

Anyway, just recently, bad things happen, and good things happened. I shan't state what, but it bothers me somewhat.

Some people think I'm sophisticated, some people think I'm emo, some people think I think too much...

But of course, I hate being placed in a negative light. I am sophisticated!

But then there comes the people who don't know me at all. In life, there are people who judge you before they really know you. In life, there are people who give you a chance.

I give almost everyone chances. At least, to be friends, to believe who they are deep within.

But not everyone gives me chances. Well. I mind. But after a while, I don't care. Cause it's not worthed bothering.

For people who don't really know me, they tend to think that at my age, I don't think much, I don't worry much. Cause, when they were my age, they felt they were invincible and everything.

But no, I know, that as much as I want to feel that I am the perfect one out there, I know, and I see, in others, their vulnerability, their need to be loved, to be protected, to learn the true value of love.

All that might sound like crap to you, but whatever. Have you ever looked at a person, and wonder what could kill the person immediately? He/She isn't as strong as he/she seems. He/She's just a person. Easily killed. With a gun. At the chest or the head. Or, a bomb. Or just being stabbed.

That simple. It's kinda weird to see things that way anyway.

But deep within, I was worrying for myself, wondering how vulnerable I am too.

They might not know that they are that vulnerable, but for me, sure I am aware.

I need defense. I need backups. I need people who are there to protect me.

Someday, I'll find the right person. But what about now till then?

Anyway, I guess that's what makes backstabbing such a prominent thing in today's society. Backstab here, backstab there... It's all a game to see who ultimately benefits isn't it? To destroy something so as to make it more pleasing to the eye. To make oneself happier.

Does it ever? Nope. You're feeding on negative happiness. Which, by itself, is toxic.

I've been writing a new set of story lately. It's not really an awesome story I am happy about, but, I am proud of it. I stand by it, and support it, because it's the combination of 2 people's work. We put our mind and focus into it, hoping that it will turn out great. But it isn't easy. We'll work a way out though.

As for a mini show production, I need actors and actresses! But of course, don't expect to be paid. Just take it as a form of... Experience? Fun? Volunteer work?

But I'm of course not seeking people to act through my blog. I would need 4 gals and 2 guys (of which the guys roles could be taken up, but NAH).

I'm quite enthusiastic to do such things, really, at least once in my teenage years. I need something to be really really proud of. Something major. At least some of my friends have acted in something already...

So this does it. Either I write a new script for people to act, or that people act the script I have.

Hopefully, it'll turn out good.

Hit me

2009-04-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

Make me lose my breath~

Well that's Destiny's Child for ya. R&B is definitely not my favourite genre, but thanks to awesome singers and bands like Beyonce, Mariah Carey and Leona Lewis (bleeding love!)... Well I must say they did R&B real well. But I can't stand old R&B songs that Beyonce does with Destiny's Child in the past...

If Beyonce does pop, she's so much better. I don't like Beyonce actually, anyway.

Mariah Carey's alright, but her head looks damn big compared to her body!

Anyway, I kinda like Leona Lewis, but Run was not my type. Bleeding Love and Better in Time are awesome though. Rihanna's credited as a R&B singer too, but her work varies, focusing mainly on the catchy pop. Yay.

Ever wondered why there're so little R&B male singers/bands?

Michael Jackson doesn't count, cause he's ew. But, erm, NLT! NLT's R&B songs are not the best around though, sadly, but they are kinda good anyway. She Said, I said!

Anyway, school today was kind of relaxing.

Principal's dialogue in the morning went quite interestingly, which wasn't really a dialogue.
Then Organic Chemistry lesson was just fun. Wahahah.

A bit worried about the future though. Oh wells.

Gonna decide what to do later. YAY!

When your world turns in a twirl

2009-04-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people don't get it. But because I'm a nice person, and I think they're nice people at heart too, I shall not state explicitly what happened.

But it's just a small matter, one that sometimes people don't get it, when I specifically ask for something else instead of something that I know.

Oh well.

Math exam today was kinda... I don't know? I'm just so tempted to call it a test cause I wasn't even taking it seriously =.=. Don't ask me why, but it's just that.

Anyway, yesterday, kept a large amounts of chicken wings and fries which I still have. Today, ate some, and then went to Sakae sushi. Oh god, that's where it all began.

In order to not be disappointed, I got MG to call Sakae Sushi at West Coast Plaza cause I was busy with other stuff. And then well, they said they have all their salmon dishes today, so I was like, YAY, let's go!
(of course I didn't say that literally)

So we set off to West Coast Plaza. And found our way there quick.

There, we were shocked at the mere size of the Sakae restaurant (it seemed decent, but a bit too squeezy). And then there was so little people around! Like 6 tables? There were 3 staffs around - 1 waitress, 2 managers or something? Yeap.

So anyway, we were being served like crazy. And then there was this waitress that is so auntie like. She was like "wo3 bang1 ni2 clear ARH?".

But she ended off with a smile, and said 'enjoy your meal.'. At least she tries to take effort in trying to be better. Thumbs up.

Anyway, we ordered the Salmon fin, whatever you call it on the menu. The manager was taking our order and he was like "We don't have this today. I mean, we're not sure. The stock just came in, and why not I help you all first order and see if have?"

At first, I was bloody pissed off, feeling that they lied and cheated to us. But hell no! Wahaha.

The salmon fins came. YUMMY. Somehow, they looked entirely different from those at Changi Airport. They had brown skin, like that of KFC's Chicken. YUMMY! I like it. And I finally understood why Salt loves salmon so much - it's so tender and soft and nice!!!!

Heeheehee. Ate like 2 plates or something. Tried ebi fry handroll, ebi tempura handroll, soft shell crab handroll. Soft shell crab handroll tastes way better there than anywhere (I mean sakae sushi branch). Don't ask me why, but I think it's buffet so the soft shell crab they serve isn't in the least crispy at all, or tasty.

Gyoza was alright but not so good. Tako yaki too. Heh, tasted way better at other branches.

But their other food was definitely exceeding standards la... Except for some, like the peas too!

Ate quite a lot, then settled for Cheezy Crab or something. It was alright, but the unagi one was definitely better.

Love Sakae.

Anyway, that was how we spent our day at Sakae. 3 hours. Ahem. And we were so bloody full. Oh and dessert rocks. And the udon is nice. But too big a bowl. At Changi Airport they give more seaweed.

Left, and returned to school. Want to da-bao dinner for tomorrow's lunch to save money, but no, guess what? THEY SAY CAN'T DA-BAO.

So whatever, went back up, did laundry, come down, bring some containers and was like, go take the food and pack myself far away.

Didn't expect there to be so much leftovers, but there was so much la, the person was like giving me 3~5 servings of meat?! and MG 4~6 servings of meat!

In the end we packed all in a container that is relatively big, that is used to store a $2 porridge. However, we couldn't fit all in (the meat), and we ended up eating 2 pieces of chicken first. Oh, did I mention, the fish is now squashed at the bottom? Hahahas.

And I know why there's so much leftovers. Cause the food sucks. Oh wells :P.

And now we have kept so much food with us... I wonder, how're we going to finish all of them tomorrow?!

You cut me so deep

2009-04-12T01:45:00.000-07:00

AP's tomorrow.

I need to start mugging and stop slacking.

Hopefully, after AP, I'll get some time to get some real exercise and be happy.

And get rid of all those irritating moodiness that I have been trying to suppress for the past few weeks.

Which I thought I handled it quite well, but on certain times I was on the verge of breaking down.

Oh well.

Now, rush work time!

V Factory - For You

2009-04-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

V Factory is an up and rising Boyband... They went on tour with Menudo and NLT. Well one of them is most well-known for being Ashley Tisdale's boyfriend or something...

Their songs are alright, but they lack something. Varsity Fanclub has a little bit more, but then that's what make me not like Varsity Fanclub...

Anyway that's about all.

Feeling really fat. Just settled some projects. Hopefully, something will work out in the end.

For now, Maths test on Monday. Should be sleeping now.

Rush tomorrow.

Bless me (initially I wanted some long post).

Bye.

Post 101

2009-04-10T23:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, soul-true hit its 100th post with a post that I typed while I couldn't sleep one night.

Don't blame me for the late post, but it's cause the school bars people from using the internet after 12am+.

Crap? Yeap.

Some things have been happening lately.

I'm really really tired of school. I've lost my passion in almost everything I'm studying for, and I'm trying to get all of them back, but it's hard, really hard.

I drag myself to school daily, and do homeworks and projects all because it's due. It's the right thing to do.

That's a right mentality, but it isn't the best mentality. I know, what's best is the true utmost sincerity.

But I just lost passion in things.

I really hate school these days.

Anyway just a little bit about Thursday, a day before Good Friday.

It was Speech Day. Originally, my English teacher had wanted a make-up lesson with us after it, because we didn't exactly do anything the last lesson. However, then on Wednesday, which was technically Friday's lesson but because of the lesson swop, Wednesday took Friday's timetable. On Wednesday, he started proposing that we could have the class on Monday instead, since he didn't feel like seeing us on Thursday and he thought we would feel the same too.

Yes. We feel the same.

But anyway, class on Monday met with various difficulties. But whatever.

So although I canceled this meeting I had initially decided with Salt and Jasper, which then I planned it again, thinking that the class's finally canceled.

But, what the hell, halfway during the Speech Day event, he told us there's English class later on.

Anyway, then, Salt, who was tasked with calling up Sakae Sushi to check if they have fried salmon, didn't want to call Sakae any earlier, cause she thinks that Sakae's fried salmon only runs out halfway during the buffet after many people went for it.

In my opinion, Sakae isn't like that. If Sakae Sushi ran out of salmon, why can't they just simply go down to the nearest shopping center and get more? It's obvious that they don't want to restock.

But what Salt said could be possibly true. And it doesn't matter if we wait till then to call, after all, we're only interested to know if there's Salmon when we are reaching...

But I wanted her to call earlier to just make sure there was, at least, she wouldn't make a wasted trip. But she didn't care, cause she thought we could eat something else over at my school's area.

BUT NO. I am insistent on eating Sakae Sushi cause it has been ages since I've ate there. But she doesn't have money. But even so, I mean like, she can borrow from me or something?

And another reason why I'm so insistent she come with Jasper this time round is cause I know both of them like Sakae Sushi too. And I don't want to go twice. I'll put on tons of weight if I do that.

But anyway, halfway there, she called and told me to go check, cause she couldn't understand what the people were saying (I'm summarizing and leaving out some parts). So anyway, I called the person and tadah, I found out that "there's no buffet for today, cause it's the eve of a public holiday.".

-___________-

That's true, some restaurants have that policy, but what the hell!

I was furious. For a few reasons.

If Salt had called in the early morning, I wouldn't have to starve myself for a buffet!
If Salt had called earlier, maybe we could have settled eating somewhere else!
If my teacher did not organize the make-up lesson that day, I would be able to go eat something else IMMEDIATELY after speech day.
And my teacher lied about an hour lesson, it took 1.5 hours!

In the end, being pissed off, Salt left Clementi and decided not to meet up and went to some library.

Me on the other hand, only got dismissed at 5:30, though I was sms-ing in class, and then went to eat Subway at West Coast Plaza with Jasper.

At least Jasper waited for me. I knew it was unfair to vent whatever frustrations I had on him, or anyone in particular for that matter. I can't blame Sakae Sushi for that I didn't know they had such a policy (actually I should had thought so, but what? that policy's retarded anyway.). I can't blame Salt entirely cause I still couldn't go over after Speech Day (which, if I had, I would definitely flare cause she didn't want to call in the morning! Think about what unhappiness we could had avoided). I can't blame my English teacher, though I've a greater tendency to.

It might be true that the make-up lesson was just. But to me it isn't. It's nothing productive.

I rather spend the days writing essays, and getting feedback from people who really are sincere in helping you. I rather spend my time making presentations and listening to valuable feedback, and someone who can work with me ONE-TO-ONE, telling me which parts I could improve on, and make what I do close to perfect.

And what the hell is it with saying there is, then canceling it, then saying there is again? It's bloody annoying!

It just makes me hate English more and more. But, I have no reason to. Cause, the subject has nothing to do with the teacher who teaches it. But, like I said, there're things which I need to first develop: finding the lost passion.

And speaking about Salt, I really don't see any reasons she should be mad. First of all, she wasn't hungry. Secondly, she didn't have to suffer 1.5 hours of English lessons. Thirdly, she did not call Sakae Sushi earlier when I asked her to, before she leaves the house.

But she claimed she didn't even know Sakae would have such a policy. Neither did I. So, what makes me take the fault more than you do?

Enough about faults and all. That's not my real focus here. My focus is on whether people really understand what I'm going through.

I'm not a thing. I'm a person. I am human. Just like you, I am affected by things that happen around me. Academics, Friendship, Family, and everything that affects you affects me. We might have different priorities in life. But who's to judge?

You could feel like you are being treated unfairly. Sure does everyone. But who's to make it right. Who's to say who's better treated.

Naturally, we would try to get the best advantages out of every situations. But I'm not a thing, not a stranger to you. Sure, you have every reason to be mad. But it's not my fault, is it?

And that's why I mentioned both about faults and about friendship. Cause either way, it's not fair to me. Whenever I make decisions, I try to make it fairly, such that it's a win-win situation for all. But it's not up to me everytime. You can blame me for all you want. You can say it's my fault. Or I'm not being fair.

But either way, I have shown you that it's not my fault either. And it's not that I'm not fair. Cause either way, you also have a part to play for you yourself being mad that day. Humans have the tendency to wash off their blames to others. But the point is. Nobody likes to be blamed. I'm not blaming you for all that, but I'm saying there are reasons to blame each other about it. But it doesn't give you or me the right to be angry with each other (for long).

And I'm glad that we've let it go by.

However I'm still mad with the other party involved though. It's last-minute and all, and I feel somewhat offended.

Anyway. That's it for now. I got to rush revision.

April 9th, 2009

2009-04-10T05:19:00.000-07:00

April 9, 2009 1:56am.

I just want these 2 years to pass quickly.

All the talk about enjoying my stay in my new class, my final high school class is all crap. All fucking crap.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I mean, I have always been thinking a lot, but more this time I guess. I bare bitter resentments in my heart, which, is really unhealthy, and I’m trying to get rid of them.

When I began this year, I wanted to have the best days in my final 2 years in high school. I had a vision. But the class was soon what it turned out not to be. And work, is making it even worse.

Like I have mentioned in my previous posts, I really think teachers lack understanding. I can’t take it any longer, this stress I’m facing. If you compare us, tell me, why is there not a basis for you to be compared with other teachers? You can say the previous batches had more to deal with, taking more exams than us. But you know what? Have you considered if we are any different?

And you, the mentor. Yes, I understand where you’re coming from, and although I’m not like the ones that are causing you much problems, and can relate to you on many basis - but, I’m really starting to get really annoyed. All the talk about class spirit, all sounds ideal. But it’s called ideology. I want it. You want it. But do we have time to foster such things?
And you’ve been giving us so much work too. Don’t claim it’s too little.

Teachers often complain that they are more stressful than the students. I wouldn’t disagree, only if they are the ones that have to take care of tons of classes and stuff.
But no, teachers here are so different. They are like, taking care of 3 to 4 classes. They prepare notes, mark our assignments, set tests and exams, and help us to improve.

But why would they be any more stressful than us? They’re only teaching 1 subject (as opposed to teachers from other schools), and that they don’t have to suffer the stress of being graded. I’m really head-on serious about that.

They always talk about us not insulting them, or complaining about them in our feedback to them. But what they don’t know, is that they are in turn insulting us. And I’m not really happy about that, being singled and all.

Last year, because I was sick, and I decided to take MC, I had accidentally revealed to my classmate that I’m coming to school to collect my progress report personally cause the level head almost wanted to speak to my parents – which I really was quite suspicious about. And then, she, a blabbermouth, started asking the level head why, and it all resulted in a bloody ending. He felt offended, and mad, and started bitching about me in front of the whole class.

I’m still, in fact, rather bitter about that. What gives him the right to humiliate me in front of everyone? It’s unfair, because, would he have done the same thing? Why can’t I get a public apology?

It’s like the truth doesn’t get known to all that it was all a misunderstanding. And that things just go away like that. Why? People still leave with the wrong impressions.

I really, really, hate him till this day. I wish for his death, more than any good I can wish on him. If he breaks his legs someday, maybe, I’ll be like the only few laughing at it. Or maybe not. But I hope karma does go 1 way round.
Unless he ever did good la. But that’s a different thing.

School politics is really annoying. They expect us to grow up. Yes. But we don’t have time for it.

It’s all, work, work, work, piling up our noses. They don’t get it. They don’t get we lack time for character development. For maturity. For everything we’re missing out that others have time to care about.

For now, I’m suffering. And hostel isn’t helping by making my work less productive, by providing us with lousy internet services and cutting it all off at 12am usually.
It’s retarded. You know that survey done that says Singaporean students are amongst the busiest kids in the world, accomplishing 40 hours of activities in 24 hours? I mean 40+ hours, but whatever.

Look, now hostel has gave me lousy internet, maybe I just made it drop to 10 hours in 24 hours. Thanks hostel.

But I’m kind of looking forward to social etiquette courses and such. I just hope it’s not crap.

Work is a pain in the ass

2009-04-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

School has been a pain in the ass these days. Every single day more I go to school, I really wonder why I'm schooling.

I used to enjoy schooling, used to like schooling because I come to school, and study, and pursue my interests in doing the things I really like.

Now, I don't enjoy schooling. I hate schooling. I feel as though I'm paying school fees just to torture myself.

Despite people who're my seniors telling me that school is important for me, good for me and all, yeap, you think I don't know that? That I need to get through school to University to work and all?

But what's being eroded slowly, stripping away from me, is the passion I used to have for the maths and the sciences.

It's now a chore. It's not something I do because I really love them. I can't find the love, the curiosity, there any longer.

And to make things worse, all the subject teachers are now complaining about the class - for a reason or another.

The Math teacher complain we aren't giving in enough for Math. And he has been piling work on top of us recently. He keeps going on and on saying how much he has given up for us.

The Chemistry teacher complains we are absorbing things too slowly, but he says he doesn't mind, if he goes slowly and we can get it, but the thing is we aren't doing well in it.

Our English teacher on the other hand, piles us up with work, that are quite open-ended. Not much problems with that, but then on weeks we focus all on the subject. And then for a few weeks consecutively, we have decided to not focus so much on it, to make time for the other science(s) and maths.

And finally he does it. Like the other teachers, he is now finding remedial timeslots for us.

To rub it in, it had clashed with a previous outing that I had planned beforehand, say, days.

And I hate it when people disrupt my plans, because they are MY plans. And they involve my dearest friends.

Sigh. Whatever, like I have a say in things. His lessons are gonna be an extra 1.5 hours. And tell me, what sakae buffet is there even still, after such a long hour block?!

In any case, things are either gonna get canceled or postponed. I can't expect people to wait so long just for me, you know, because I am the only one in a class with remedials.

Well that's sad. Sad. Really sad.

Work's a pain in the ass.

Hell no, never someday, never gonna love it here.

Time to plan new plans.

t.A.T.u. disbanding

2009-04-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

Got the news quite a long time ago, well, I didn't have time to actually bother about it.

Anyway, take a look at the video. I thought the video was good, although it was too sexually explicit, I think it's in the right way... I mean, you get to know the meaning of the song from it.

So, well, that's my opinion.

t.A.T.u.'s a wonderful gal band, but I just wonder why their songs always take so long to be released =\. Just like NLT! Why does it always seem that everything I like takes forever to release something!

I don't think going on a solo career is a wise choice... Still like the time they are together, like in All the things she said!

Hahaha :D

Bee-Zee!

2009-04-04T02:25:00.000-07:00

Work has been piling real up high these few days... I'm really busy.

Of course all those things at the top of my list are all schoolwork... Oh gosh how I hate you.

Chemistry is hell. There's an Organic Chemistry test coming up, with this mindmap which is :O! And then there's the Bio Projects which were given out like tons of weeks ago but it's not easy. Maths work is starting to pile up, which isn't supposed to give me stress but it is now. What the hell.

Speaking of which, there is also the English Research Paper draft due. Hell! HELL!

To make things worse, I'm trying my best to juggle time between relaxation and schoolwork. Which sucks, but what, I can't overwork! I need to find my peak activity somewhere.

So whatever.

I am gonna rush off to work soon!

Travis Garland's songs compilation

2009-03-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm such a "genius", I did this piece of work on iMovie '08!
Not because I used iMovie '08, not because the video I created was awesome, but I forgot to include all the songs and I dared to call it a compilation!

Among the songs I forgot to include include:
`What she don't know
`Lunatic
`Your Song

My reason's that they never fancy me much so... =(

Just hope you all will like the songs! :D

Someday...

2009-03-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

Travis Garland rocks, keep the videos coming, you're only at like, what, episode 2?!

:D

Anyway...

I'm afraid to say Soul-True.bs might be closing down come year end. It's sad, I know, and my blogging has turned so irregular this blog doesn't feel like a blog anymore. Stupid hostel's fault.

My privacy has been invaded, and when I start a new blog, I'm going to start afresh with a new account, new e-mails, almost everything new. Such that my privacy is not invaded, and I can blog as freely as I want.

No hypocrisy, everything true. From the soul. Soul-true :D.

For now,

Travis Garland, everyone.

Love sex and magic

2009-03-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

Don't think this song is rather new.

Oh wells. The few things that many man want... Except maybe not magic, but power!!! Love, sex, power. That'll what drive my life. Oopsie did I reveal too much?

Not in that order though.

Anyway, I just had my Biology test. EPIC fail!!! T_T. If only I planned my time a bit longer...

I could answer about 50% of the paper! The last half especially... But the MCQ was irritating - I couldn't do most of them - so bloody hard. So anyway, after doing the MCQ, I thought that marks at the back were hard to earn - how wrong was I! Lack of time to finish it all in the end...

Oh well. Tomorrow's Chemistry. Hope everything pays off well.

Counselling

2009-03-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Feeling godamn stressed, Maths test was over. I didn't put in my all for this Math test (in my revision). But come to think of it, my results could be worse if I studied too much (-> nervous breakdown).

But well. Biology test next. No slacking. BUT then, I got a horrible heading!

Argh.

Sometimes I just feel like charging towards some people and wrestling them, trying to crack a bone or 2 =/.

Some people in my life are being idiots, like, my toiletmate. I hate my toiletmate. For all sorts of reasons. Oh yes, I'm being so direct here, I'm not going to be implicit or anything, totally explicit.

Can't he bloody not walk into my room as he likes. Can't he wait to be invited over =_=. I hate people who come over without asking for permission!

And why must he be such a busybody. Hate it. Grrr...

I really feel like throwing a chair at him. Rawr!!!

This headache's killing me, probably cause of a lack of sleep. Oh well. Just hope I don't screw up tomorrow's test.

I'm... Going to study. I'm serious.

Bye bye holidays. Get me back into full-study mode. Can't afford to slack (btw I don't rest when I slack, really!) anymore. Be more energy efficient.

You can't play on broken strings

2009-03-22T01:11:00.000-07:00

Song's by James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado.

It's me, I guess. I hate listening to Ciara. I hate listening to Nelly Furtado's songs except for this and All Good Things (come to an end).

Anyway, I'm afraid that this blog is one of my other temporary blogs - initially I gained considerably momentum blogging, but once school started, blogging turned so irregular, I don't feel like blogging ever.

There's just so many things happening in my life, I won't want to share it all. I'm just too lazy and not bothered.

Heh, that's the after-effects of staying in hostel I guess.

Maybe... Maybe it's a good time for me to read all my previous blogposts... Hahaha.

Do or not to do

2009-03-19T03:29:00.000-07:00

Whoosh.

The holidays are going to be over quite soon. Though it's only like half of them has gone by, I see that I won't have much time left for myself anymore.

But this holiday had been quite enjoyable. I lost some weight!

Okay, that was random.

One of the highlights of the holiday is that there is this pasar malam at my house area - something which I adore really greatly. The pasar malam, which means "night market" in Malay, sells a huge variety of things - stationary, clothes (pyjamus, bermudas, 3/4 pants etc), food (japanese, local chinese delights, local muslim delights, mexican, and some taiwanese (??) and some others...).
Cards and games were also sold, and there were some fun games too... Hahaha I'm too old for those XD. Homeware and everything else were also sold.

My point is, there's a huge variety of things. I love the tako yaki! Somehow their Japanese pizza just sucks. Sucks ew. The Sharks Fin Soup was like... Starchy. Fattening T_T. Oh wells.
And the putu piring! I think the person cheated me or something. She gave me 1 packet of ready made one, and when I ate it there's like only 2~2.5? I tried counting, but somehow I can't end up with 3. It just feels 2.5 at most, more likely 2. Oh wells.
Tapioca kuek was alright, but tapioca itself is cheap. I thought it was worthed it, but not everyone feels the same... Hahaha.

The pasar malam has made me really fat! I go down once everyday. Sometimes with Salt, sometimes with MG. But well, it was fun! Walking around my neighbourhood is always FUN.

Yeap that's all about the pasar malam.

As for homework wise, I haven't started at all. I'm slow, I know, but I'm stuck trying to level up my pet society! It is just so bloody tough. Nowadays it gets harder to earn some cash. So I have to resort to walking around town to get some coins - hopefully I can buy one of those big 20,000 coins worthed of music player soon!!!

Currently at like, 15k? Yea. T_T.

And then it was like, the mystery eggs spent a lot of my money! I can't even get 1 complete scene yet - I think I can get for the land/air one, but then I don't have the scene! As for the sea's, I only have 1 sailboat =____=. Pathetic, I know, huh.

Sigh.

Okay, it is time to rush work.

March Holidays are... Halted.

2009-03-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

-P.S. Dev Patel rocks.-

Yo!

It's Sunday, and I'm spending the second day of the March Holidays slacking!

Few things I have been up to:
1. Pet Society. Oh gosh my old account is going bankrupt, while my newer account is turning richer :). Just saved up till 10k of coins finally... Once I can buy the 20k thing... Wahaha.
2. Sleep. Sleep's a sad thing, I haven't have been having enough sleep though I tried my best to.
3. Talk. I'm still talking to all my close friends, trying to maintain closer contact in fear that they slip away. But no, not really happening as of yet, but whee, it's alright.
4. De-Stressing. Working quite well, I must say. Downloaded all of Skins episodes. Rocks man.
5. Shopping. And enjoying food and life as it is. And recession. But damn the people who target students cause they know students will still spend money anyway.
6. Miss Piggy-Bee. I got her through Cartel's pork ribs today :D.

Few things I am going to do:
1. Study more Organic Chemistry
2. More Math practices
3. Biology revisions.
4. EXERCISE!

That's all for now.

Adios.

Butterfly fly away

2009-03-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

It's term 1 week 10, and I'm quite elated that the March break is coming next!

Apart from the March Holidays, I must say I am highly satisfied with my Biology grades thus far, although it can be better but I'm dragged down by groupwork and such. Other people always screw me up. They think the same way too I guess. But why aren't they cooperative enough.

I think they deserve it. As for me? I don't know. I think so too.

Our conversation was in the night, and it went like this on a Saturday:
Me: "So shouldn't we do before tomorrow's noon since we have some event?"
Him: "Or we can mug at night."
Me: "But that's not very wise."
Him: "Yea."

Whatever shit.

Anyway, I can't stand people who are so irrational.

School's always so horrible anyway. People are sleeping in class, daydreaming, thinking about love, thinking about games, thinking about sex... Wait where did that come from. Oh wait it's only a few (I hope).

A few things I'm looking forward to during the March Holidays:
`Lots of rest!
`Lots of exercise!
`Lots of revision!
`Lots of planning
`Lots of fun!

Hahaha... I better enjoy it while it lasts...

To the future!

Taking back my love

2009-03-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

This song by Enrique Iglesias and Ciara's awesome. And so is the video. Ciara's hot. Heehee.

And I still hate that songs by Ciara have Ciara's name being called in Like a boy (I think or sth along that line) spelt. C.I.A.R.A. wtf?

Anyway, in other news!

http://www.tigerbeatmag.com/celebs/polls/new-fave-music-group/

Vote NLT!
Here are a few reasons why:
`You are reading my blog and I like NLT so you should vote NLT cause you're reading my blog.
`KSM is unknown, seriously, and their music isn't that "wow".
`Varsity Fanclub is very commercialized, very artificial. I'll explain why. They're shaped - I mean you really don't believe they are all that nice, all that seemingly "clean" and stuff?
`NLT is more real, in the sense that they don't hide their true selves away from you. At most they just don't show. It's not a mask.
`NLT does better songs! Can We Go Back, She said I said, Karma, That Girl, Heartburn, Rose...
`NLT's Travis Garland is super talented. Yes, I do find him uber talented. Try listening to: Let Me Know, Stranded, Electromagnetic, When You Learn how to love.
`How the hell can you find a band that has talents in such diverse fields of music?!
`Varsity FanClub's Future Love sucks. Seriously, you like the song? EW!
`I think the guys in Varsity FanClub look super gay. Fine, maybe they are "good-looking", but nah, ew.
`NLT isn't that all-perfect but you know that cause they're human. And they don't pretend to be someone who they are not.

So NLT rocks!

http://www.tigerbeatmag.com/celebs/polls/new-fave-music-group/

Go vote for NLT. Beat that VFC (kind of ironic to call itself a FANCLUB anyway when it's a band) away!

Oh and anyway speaking of which, I am not sure, but there are some good things about Varsity FanClub - Vanished? But it's kind of annoying after a while. Hahaha.

Okay, time to do homeworks!

A Place in Time

2009-03-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

Hello there!

Now, at this point of time you're reading this, I am wondering where the hell my boxers are. Things have been going missing over in hostel, and I'm starting to get annoyed. If small things like tweezers, ear digger, needles go missing, I can close an eye, BUT, BOXERS?!

WHAT THE FUCKING CRAP MAN.

Having a few boxers going missing is NO JOKE!

I have had enough of this shit.

Oh and a lightning just struck. It felt like as though it was beside me! I could feel the ground shake, BUT, not as my friend who's somewhere else in Singapore describe, IT WAS LIKE AN EXPLOSION!

What the fucking crap. What's wrong with the weathers these days. I HATE IT WHEN THEY ATTACK THE MERLION! MERLION!!!

Okay, that's all for the craziness.

Well, my school had Students Leaders Investiture earlier. I remember quite clearly last year, I was quite sore about not being a student leader. Fine, I convinced myself that I won't be sore, but I was deep within. But then here comes the time again when I really ask myself if I should be sore or not.

I am someone who wants to have a try in everything. I want to be a teacher, a doctor, a dentist, a ... ... ...

But basically, I was quite upset when I didn't get the leadership position job.

But why?

Does it really matter?

In the school, I feel that everything that happens is like a "dogs over a piece of meat" kind of environment - we have to fight for everything. Leadership, grades, everything... Just for the sake of being "excellent students". Of course, the pressure is great.

To think I would leave high school without a single leadership position that is recognized by the school, heh. But then, why the crap do I want it?

As the student leaders took their pledge and everything else today, I felt really bored and random. I just thought they made us sit and watch them do so cause they don't have a big enough an audience, so they wanted us there to "glorify" the event. More so, it's true than it's not.

The thing with certain teachers nowadays is that they always find a way around the plans, so brainwash the students into believing that it is true. If they are telling us the true thing, then the true intention of all is easily understood and inferred. So why?

But anyway, I was thinking of them, pledging that they would remain loyal to the student body and such. Would they? Maybe they would. But what is it in life that they would gain, other than a period of experience?

I don't know. I thought. And thought. For one, I know that while applying for University they would look at such credentials. But, in University, and post-University, do we need such leadership?

Yes, but how much?

Apparently not much.

Yeah, so it's a once-in-a-lifetime-experience, but is it all that worthed it?

No, no, I would blind myself with the fact that being a student leader is part popularity, part capability, part looks. So whatever.

I am a leader myself. Deep within, I know that the leadership that is presented out are merely titles; recognitions. I need no recognition from others just so long as I am clear that I am one, myself.

I am a leader.

Band MeMe - Azuire

2009-02-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

Tagged by ilkanta, a fascinating band meme.

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random” or click here
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations" or click here
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your debut album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click here
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Click here. The very last few words are your song titles. Repeat process 5-10 times until you have an album.

5 - Go here and the last image on the page is your back cover.

Here are my results:
1. Band name: Matagami Airport
2. Album name: Make Yourself Indispensable
3. Album front cover: A Husky (http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3169/3303821041_1a82d100a8_m.jpg)
4. The song titles are:

1. Words come in very handy
2. Slave Corrals of Argentina
3. A Poet
4. The Cook and the Violinist
5. A Rightful Intention
6. Circumstances
7. Speak it Not
8. Friend
9. Discipline themselves

5. Album back cover: Husky (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/426802676_ec33f85ea4_m.jpg)

I think this is weird. . . .

Everything Comes and Goes, This way?

2009-02-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Michelle Branch is back, yo!

Initially I was extremely disapproving of her staying on the Country track for the next album... I am speechless. I ain't clear what genre "This Way" is, but I sure liked it.

You have to listen to the whole thing!

Okay, anyway, I want to say how much I love Arnott's!

Being too bloodily lazy to show you the photos, I shall give you the website link!

http://www.arnotts.com.au/

I LOVE ARNOTTS.

This is so bloody delicious man! I loved this so much as a kid!

Even till now... I think companies who have tried to make better tasting Tartlets have failed rather badly. For Marks and Spencer though, they have an alternate kind of tartlet, which is nice as well, but it offers a different taste. The tart is less crumbly but more crispy. I like both :D. But I find that Marks and Spencer's a bit too sweet.

Nowadays, the most popular thing from Arnott's the Tim Tam, which is EXTREMELY RICH and DELICIOUS. But warning though: eating excessively would result in a sudden spike in your weight and appetite. Hmmmm. Beware!

I just think you shouldn't eat it all at one go la... But that is if you can find a good place to store them well. :). YUMMY!

Alright, I have to go study, but I have a band meme as requested by Azuire (check next post). Heh. Check back soon!

Start of a new dawn

2009-02-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

My life can't get any fucked up further.

Alright, it can, but no, I hate having it so fucked up. Pick up the pieces, man, y'all, I am guilty of it too but it gets more messed up knowing it from someone else first.

I am trying my best not to care, though I always care, but wells.

I don't see you any differently. But you might see me differently. I don't know. Hurt, scared, whatever?

You won't be seeing this anyway, haha, it's just me talking to myself. I shouldn't care so much actually, cause I don't matter much to you anyway.

But, whatever.

I'm saying Goodbye to you for now, because there's nothing that's left for me to be with you any longer. Every conversation we had, it seemed like there was nothing. Really. Nothing.

Goodbye, Goodbye, to the many of you out there. I loved you. I really did try to love all of you out there when I had the chance. But sometimes I never got loved back. And I'm just bade-ing goodbye to you. Goodbye not cause you never appreciated me, but goodbye cause I believe you found a place out there better than the one I could ever have for you.

It's not the end, no, it's not the end. But, goodbye is all I want to say to you now.

I'll wake up to a new dawn.

Fishing for the future

2009-02-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

This is so freaking cool!

I want to go away someday, on a trip off to the shores of ___(?)___, and go fishing!

Alright, I am fine with any shore, just so long as there is a higher chance of surviving than dying XD. Lols!

I am so jealous man. That blue marlin was GIGANTIC!

Okay I'm not a fish person but that's what the video says anyway. :D

Enjoy.

It doesn't feel the same anymore...

2009-02-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

Well, hola! It's been quite a while, but here I am, back to blogging.

The past few days had been... I can't find an appropriate word to describe it, but I am having a clearer grasp of my life.

Like some of my seniors put it, living in hostel makes you live in the moment. Meaning, you don't feel the future, the past, just the present. Irritating.

After a month plus in hostel, I only appreciate a few things about it:
1) I spend more time with my friend. BUT I HATE HAVING LESS TIME TO DO WORK.
2) I don't need to take the train/bus/car home. BUT SOMEHOW I NEED MORE SLEEP AND GAINED TONS OF WEIGHT.
3) I have free laundry and free serving of food. BUT THEN THEY LOSE MY CLOTHES, AND GIVE VERY WEIRD AMOUNTS OF FOOD (2nd serving more than the 1st? -.= why so stingy to give so little in the 1st serving anyway).

Otherwise, I really hate hostel. The bed's all hard, the place's so dirty... Which reminds me, I want to bring my sister's air purifier along, to get rid of all these dust. So much cleaning, yet the dust still remained!

Well anyway, the last time, I promised re-writing my stories!

Yes, it's well underway, but one sad thing is that, I cannot reuse the previous characters from my stories, because they are really unique :). And one very important aspect is that they are real, hence sometimes readers will feel connected to the storyline and are really engaged to read it.

This time, me and my other companion writer tried writing a new story with new characters, but it sucked really badly, so we are going to refer to some real life characters we know (again)!

So any reference to anyone else living is PURELY coincidental - I mean, seriously, these new set of characters are like based on some people I know, but I didn't use them for my previous story, and this implies I don't know them so well, only superficially, so that's what I only have, to work with.

Oh well.

Bless me.

For now,
NAP TIME!

Dollar Bill

2009-02-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

I love this song man. I don't know why, but I love it!

It's old, I know, BUT I haven't had a chance to post this.

I LOVE THIS SONG!

Anyway, I have been busy. I'm Year5 already, and I've been planning some silly projects for my future. I just hope that my planning ahead is great enough, to make the sail smoother than most others (seriously, sometimes I fear I overplan). Apparently the transition for the subject combination years was smoother for me than most others. But what the f anyway. I don't give a damn anymore.

Heehee.

Will blog more next time then. For now, projects 2009~2010, here I come!

It's nothing that I didn't do.

2009-02-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

*Time reverses back to a week ago*

After a wonderful post Chinese New Year dinner with my hostel cluster, I fell sick right the next morning.

What was so horrible was that my throat was bloody sore, but luckily Jasper was around, and he fed me some strepsils. Whee.

But I was still sick, and after school on Wednesday, I decided to go see a doctor.

Informed the hostel, my mentor, my parents about it.

The doctor had given me a 2 day MC. She felt I should rest more.

So anyway, the next day, I was trying to phone the school - to inform them that I wouldn't be coming - but, nobody answered.

Suddenly I heard someone knocking on my door, shouting my full name.

=_=

I opened it up and it was the security guard, and this idiotic white thing. Apparently, they suspected I didn't report to them / the school, and I said I did, and it was on the list the DAY BEFORE.

And I had woken up earlier in the morning to inform my fellow classmate, who marks the attendance daily, that I'm ill and stuff.

And thanks to their screw up, they politely retreated away, not in the least bit guilty, that I was sick and they made me feel worse. I was drowsy, and horribly tired, but they had woken me up from my bed to entertain them. The worst part of it all is they did not CHECK first.

Anyway, I returned to bed to sleep when suddenly the school called saying they received a miss call. Told them what happened and tadah. I went to sleep.

Woke up later in the afternoon, and felt better, until someone rang my handphone. Answered it, and to my shock, my PE teacher (who is the hostel master, whose class I did not attend today) asked me to come down and pass him the MC. So I did. I wonder how come, I had so much processing to do. Seriously, in the case of a REAL fire, I think running to the school field to seek shelter is not a very good idea. It seems like a good idea to organize mass groups of people, yes, to take attendance. But then again, I would prefer just running out of school far away, so at least you know, I wouldn't die being burnt in the field.

But sadly, if I do that, I think the school would panic and wonder where I am and then someone's going to die. Nah. I shan't be evil. I'm sure I have insurance.

Alright. Anyway, I was quite pissed off that day, cause I did what there was to do. And they had to wake me up when I was asleep and drowsy. That's the worst part of it all.

When can they learn to do things more efficiently?

Crap the crab

2009-02-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was awesome!

Having bought a pair of crabs from NTUC, which costs $10.73 in all (damn you, why are crabs so bloody expensive? They weigh only 700+grams!), I kept them alive in my room, in a tub, in a box with an opened lid to kill and eat the next day.

I must say I chose the right crabs! They were so healthy, so lively, so agile - and they keep struggling no matter how much you try to tire them.

In the end, we left them in a tub, cause we thought that keeping them in the plastic bag isn't such a good idea, since it would be quite stuffy and we can't feed them and they would die (god, I have always wondered what crabs eat. The internet says snails and small animals but I wouldn't be able to find snails anyway.). So we kept them in a tub with some water and then threw in some random food we don't eat (coconut sweet, EW) such as longans and so on.

They didn't touch it =.=

The next morning, we opened the box and were shocked to see they have smartly and successfully gotten out of the tub and is wandering around the box. Thankfully for the box, if not I would be waken up by it pinching my toe =.=

I proved that crabs are light sensitive! They immediately moved away when the ceiling light shone on them. Maybe it was cause it was completely dark before that... So they didn't get used to the light difference. Oh wells.

The next day, we started preparing for our FEAST.

This bloody nutcracker cost a whopping $6.00. I feel robbed. It's just metal with a screw.

Milo and holicks. Haha we're disgustingly having fun.

Milo "icicle". Lol.

It took a bloody whole day to turn frozen. Grr. But it was nice!

The wonderfully cooked crab. I just learned that cooking it this way would not make the crab overly dry / overly moist. HOHO. But it's a waste of gas/electricity.

Yummy meat.

Hahaha.

Whee.

It was a fun day alright.

Though we had the frozen milo-holicks late at night, god knows how many sachets we drank yesterday. But the crabs were really yummy - the eggs were not saltish, in fact rather sweet (it's male, I wonder). Additionally, the meat was so tasty, I couldn't resist myself and ate it so "cleanly!". But wells, I have to say something. I got sick of it at the last few legs part. Too full =x. Haha.

Crabs rocks.

Have you had yours?

Edie Britt leaving Desperate Housewives

2009-02-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

Alright, random song, but apart from that, Nicolette Sheridian, best known for playing the annoying Edie Britt on Desperate Housewives, is going to leave the show!

Media reports have shown that she would be killed in a car accident involving electrical wires. Sounds gruesome. I wonder what it's about. But I can pretty much guess. I just wonder how she is going to leave the show. She's quite fun actually, considering her retardedness. But sadly after this season she will be gone. Boohoo. People die every now and then, huh?!

Anyway, Salt has like, disappeared. Ah well. Life's... Messy.

It's when the sun turns Red.

2009-02-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night. Boarding Games Day didn't go so bad, mostly thanks to my wonderful team. I'm quite upset with myself cause I caused 1 of our games to COMPLETELY lost, and it's unlucky me who actually made it happen. T_T

But anyway, that's a story for another time, hopefully I remember. I couldn't sleep last night; it was just too fucking hot.

So I went around other people's room to see what they are doing. 1 of my neighbour spent his time doing Math assignments, while the other sleeps with a blindfold and is shirtless (and yes, I snap a picture of the disgusting face). I wanted to enter their toiletmates room but upon seeing they're awake I can't be arsed to. If not, maybe I could have a library of collections of people's faces when they sleep! Sometimes it's good "blackmailing" tool.

But anyway, slept at slightly later than 2am. Woke up at 6:50am cause MG asked me to. And he was looking outside of the window.

Oh god, I thought I was in heaven.

The bloody haze outside was so thick, so thick that I thought that it is ALL SMOKE OUTSIDE.

---
Okay, PAUSE.

I think the welfare of the students are neglected these days! YES, SAFEFY IS PROVIDED (and is crucial for NOT only children, elderly, but ALSO adults), but, where the crap is making sure there will be NO long term negative health effects?! I mean, given the current haze situation, you're expecting me to come to school, and SIT in a classroom setting without AIR-CON and slowly die of suffocation/asthma attack (oh wait he/she'll be at the hospital/home then).

Nuff.
---

Okay, then I was wondering. It was so stuffy in the room, and if I open the windows and door maybe it will be slightly cooler. But at the sight of the haze situation outside, I resisted the temptation, knowing that this "suffering" is temporarily - or at least I hope, as compared to opening the window and door and breathing in those PM (Particulate Matter). Who knows, 10 years down the road, we'll all suffer from LUNG CANCER and die! AHHHHHHHH. I don't want to die that way.

But alas, I gave in to the temptation.

Back at home, when there was haze, everyone would be LOCKING ALL THE DOORS TO THE OUTSIDE, and then hide in their rooms and ~~wait and suffocate to death~~ then switch on the aircon and then rest inside.

But the worst thing about staying in hostel is that it is BLOODY HOT, not to mention, SMALL. I thought the size of the room was alright, but yes, it is alright, if it is only for 1 person. And it is totally not alright if there is a fucking haze out there!

And my ranting doesn't stop here.

WHY THE CRAP, DOES THE BOARDING OFFICE GET A RENOVATION DURING THE ECONOMIC CRISIS?! Seriously, shouldn't they consider NOT doing the renovation?! I don't know, maybe it's the school's own money, or the boarding, but whatever, it's the economic recession okay!

And the worst part is, you care about your own welfare, by sticking in the office all day, BUT WHAT ABOUT US! You can't provide AIR CON for all ~400+ of us! I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

You have the office, we have nothing =_=.

I think it has come to the point that adults think we owe them a living.
So what if you have experienced turbulent times in the tiny shores of Singapore. It doesn't mean anything just that you're a "survivor" in that aspect. What the crap are you trying to educate us on? And stop giving us the crap you're training us for the army/real world because we don't NEED THAT.

Just so you know, such things cannot be TAUGHT. They have to be experienced by the self fully otherwise nobody will learn anything. Yes, some people from the previous generations lament that they don't learn such essential life skills from school - but seriously, do you know if there's any threshold? Maybe there isn't, maybe there is, BUT I OPT OUT OF THIS.

Simply for a few reasons.

1. I feel my childhood being eroded away.
Wait, to begin with, do I even have a childhood? I mean, did I even go through this thing called "childhood"? Oh gosh.

2. Life is like that.
Yes, you tell me life is like that and I got to live with it. But then I tell you, if life's like that, then it's like that. You can't train me to be "fully prepared" for the world. I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything, but know your fucking limits.

3. My job is just to impart to you necessary life skills.
And let me tell you this, I'm not learning anything much from you, in fact, I think I learn more life skills hearing the life accounts of REAL-TIME businessman and so-and-so when they blog.

4. You're not teaching me anything, you're just manipulating us.
In actual fact, I doubt you're doing anything positive. There are a few reasons why you either make your programme sound so great / put us through tough things:
i. You blind us about the reality of the programme.
ii. You think that we will think you all are not overly slack and is planning something for us.

For fuck's sake, NO. You want to avoid complaints by saying that we can't survive in the real world without your teachings, that's nothing but crap! Isn't there like, a lot of other ways, when you can just say it EXPLICITLY, that you want to put us through a month of survival course (hey, I don't mind) instead of making it stretch over long periods of time? CRAPPY you.

Oh and I didn't lie about the survival course thing. It sounds fun hearing from WeeC who went for it ^_^. Rather that than some implicit thing which the teacher is trying to teach us - I mean, it's a school, not a workplace yet.

You might disagree with me, but that's what I feel.

Anyway, I guess I side-tracked too much. Yes, the Sun's bloody red today. Saw that when during assembly as the person was making announcements. I wonder where the crap the wind went to. I wish for rain now. Really. Rain rain, come again. Get rid of this stupid haze.

For now, I guess it's best to utter "good luck" to myself.

I don't give a damn

2009-02-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Days have passed like toilet paper being flushed down the toilet bowl. Yes, I think my life is being ruined by hostel. I am losing time just like sand falling down between the gaps of my fingers. It's that powder-y - I have no fucking time for anything much.

Being back home on weekends is not much of a solace. Maybe it is something really bad, but Friday-s are my OFFICIAL latenight day (of the week). I escape from work, trying to feel back home, and I end up sleeping really late, and I wake up late on Saturdays. The worst was yesterday, when I slept at 1am and woke up at 2pm. Shocking, I know, not my fault though.

And I usually wither away Saturdays, because I spend the time catching up on the things I have missed out throughout the week. I catch up on gossip tabloids, friends' lives, current issues about the whole world (think Australia Bushfire =(), etc.

And that's how my Saturdays get withered away. Usually Sunday's the most awesome-est day of the week where I get to really get some work done.

But not yesterday. Had to go to my auntie's house for family gathering. It's supposed to be fortnightly, I don't know, I guess it was cause of the CNY-post lagginess or what shit, but yes it's like that.

I forgot if I went to any auntie's house last week but I think I did.

So it goes like:

CNY Day 1: My house
CNY Day 2: 4th Aunt's house
First Saturday after CNY: 3rd Aunt's House
Second Saturday after CNY: 6th Aunt's House
Third Saturday after CNY (which I think is like, yesterday?): 4th Aunt's house.

Sigh? I'm really fucking busy here, someone ought to help me out or something. Haha, I was just talking to myself.

Meanwhile, beyond the troubled soul of me, I have been engaging in family conversations. Heard about the shifting of the ancestor's altar and stuff. Heard about my 3rd (or 2nd, if you count the living) uncle (who is a bachelor) having to see doctor over some bone stuff (I think it comes with aging, cause my mother and 6th aunt and 4th aunt all have some thing to talk about it). And some shit on family issues here and there.

Okay, that aside, life has been rather interesting. I'm upset on 1 hand that some friendships are like evaporating Salt Water. There is the history of friendship in there but it just doesn't feel as active anymore. Whereas, for the people who I spend more time with, e.g. MG in hostel, I am like, quite attached to him in a way.

I don't know, I have been pondering about this, like, would I prefer friends who:
1) Know me
2) Don't know me but try their best to

I don't know, honestly, I think there ought to be some balance between the 2. For 1, it's fated, for 2, it's not fated. But it'll be good if they know me and try their best to too.

It's not just about knowing who I am that matters, it's how you treat me that matters too. I don't appreciate a reply of 'lols' everytime from you, although, it's better than nothing.

But then again, I know sometimes I do go overboard (or at least in my opinion) by dao-ing some people when they really need help, like, I have something more interesting to share so shut the f up! No, no, it's mean of me, but I don't give a damn about it. But I do after I finish committing the nastiness.

I am really upset about this thing called "groupwork". It's just not working. This was how it went.

EF (via e-mail): Hi guys sorry I am out hence I am sending out the lab results now.
Me (via msn to EF): Eh, so when is it due? Like er, Monday?
EF: Yes.
Me: So we got to work on it before noon tomorrow, because tomorrow's boarding games day?
EF: We could burn midnight oil.
Me: Okay... That's not a very wise idea...

THAT IS SIMPLY ABSURD. Seriously, when will people actually care more about others than themselves? Fine, if everyone agrees, I WILL agree, but what the fuck is it with people who put themselves before others?!
You're busy, but what the crap makes you think I am ANY LESS BUSY than any of you fuckers out there. Just because I'm a bit more accommodating doesn't mean I am any much free-er than any of you! TIME IS MONEY, YO, AND THIS IS SINGAPORE.

And stop being such little fuckers by sending out e-mails on important data real slowly - if you have time to chat with others in the canteen, what the fuck is wrong with you to not send out the basics of the project out first?! It's not like I'm calling you over to immediately start on project - I know, and I understand that people can feel sian from it, so that's excusable, and of course I try to make it less sufferable by being a tiny chatterbox that would try to lift the spirits around (although it can come across as irritating, but whatever, YOU WOULD PREFER ME AROUND. And that's unless you really hate me).

I don't give a damn about if you like me or not, learn to live with it, that I am in your project circle. Personally, I don't really judge people before I know them. If you want to do that with me, fine, whatever, not like I can do anything, but just dislike you back. What's the point of me trying too hard? But what is it with you for not giving me a chance first anyway? Not like I have to earn anything back either.

Moving onto a separate topic, yo, I believe by now I do know who's reading my blog.

I believe Boney reads my blog, but whatever, hi Boney, I really hope you have a fucking fun time going for plastic surgery, wearing masks to hide away your ugly self which has a bad history - oh wait, you can't hide them. WHY? Cause I AM GOING TO BROADCAST THEM TO THE WHOLE WORLD SOMEDAY. I SWEAR, I PROMISE, I HAVE TONS OF YOUR PICTURES AND YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS OVER HERE.

You want to go for plastic surgery to make yourself more handsome? Fine with me, whatever. Not like I care. Just remember that I am always there to track you down, make sure whoever you're trying to blind doesn't get blinded.
And if you want to go for sexual operation, oh good luck, I don't know, but who the hell in the world would love you? You're in between, to begin with. And stop calling yourself a princess cause you're like, I'll say, Princess of the retarded piglets? Whatever, Boney, if you want me out of your life, fine.

If not, you can wait for me to be hypocritical and as fake as ever. And even if you expose me, I'll not give a damn, cause you're Boney and there's too much history of you :).

Have fun Boney.

Some posts coming up!
-I reported sick, Damnit.

The Fear

2009-02-14T02:58:00.000-08:00

Alright, I remember Salt telling me a while ago (probably days/weeks) that she likes listening to Lily Allen songs. I don't really know exactly if I did hear that, but I think I did, but you know those feeling of the memory being erased, yea, I have that, I'm not even sure if she did tell me that now. But I think she did, maybe she didn't, but yea, I think she did.

So I decided to start listening to Lily Allen again.

I've too much of Skins in my head. Fuck yea (Chris).

It must be my mind, that the British are able to coin long sentences together into short phrases that can put tons of vulguarities together. It's just the show, yea, it's just the show, not me. Yea. It's not real. Whee.

I am still unsure if I like Lily Allen or not. Whether her music's good. Cause it doesn't attract me to it (cause it's weird, and I'm not used to it, unlike the Spice Girls' Pop (yea they're british, yo)), but then again it doesn't repel me either (cause it isn't awful).

Speak about Russians singing music in English, like, tATu. According to Salt and Boney they have this "russian" slang thing, which I don't really feel like it's a slang, just that they can't pronounce that well (though i still think it's alright, not like I can't understand).

Anyway Skins is awesome. Last episode Emily and Naomi FINALLY KISSED. LOVELY. I felt it was hot actually, can you imagine the sparks that flew, when a brunette and a platinum blonde kissed? YUMMY.

Alright, I have to go now, cya, xx.

Loving music all over again

2009-02-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

I don't know, but I really hate myself these days.

Alright, I wouldn't use the word "hate", but more like, unhappy.

I haven't been performing well for Math and Chemistry!

This is really bad, considering I dropped Physics to better focus on Biology and Chemistry and Math, but maybe I was wrong.

Like what the hell, my MATH!!! I shaded 1 answer in the previous test wrongly...

1 question right = 1 mark. 1 question unanswered = 0 mark. 1 question incorrect = -1/4 mark.

AHHH T_T

I knew how to do 1 question! So I lost 1.25 marks T_T. And it's out of 24 so it's quite a significant percentage.

Okay, to hell with Math Test. It's over. And I scored 10/10 for a Math Quiz today!

BUT SADLY, THAT DOESN'T COUNT INTO THE FINAL GRADE. RAWR.

Anyway my Chemistry sucks.

I'm probably the last in class, due to some basic concepts (yes you heard me) confusion. I don't really have much more to redeem myself because of the 100% CA requirements. Chemistry CA components are somehow always really screwed. The Chemistry department sucks the most among all the others. I would say that Biology and Math departments are amongst the better ones, after all the school invests heavily on the Mathematics department, but the Biology department was designed by really great teachers around.

Now I'm not saying the Chemistry department teachers are not as good, they are good, it's just that sometimes they need to go another direction.

Another week in hostel, 1 really unhappy week.

I will not spoil the fun of reading for now, and not make this post uber long, but there will be 2 more posts that are of greater depth than this but relating to this whole long issue.

But, I was unhappy cause I fell sick on Tuesday morning when I woke up, and the sequences of events that followed soon after. Yea. In simple summary it's that.

Anyway, I have had enough of these "new songs":
Electromagnetic by Travis Garland
Stranded by Travis Garland
Dance in the Rain by Calvin Goldspink (ft. Travis Garland)
Don't Fail Me by Calvin Goldspink
Bad Girl by Rihanna
My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
Please Don't Leave Me by Pink
Bottle Pop by PCD
Top of the World by PCD

Somehow they get on my nerves with excessive listening... Yesterday I was loving tATu all over again and then Katherine McPhee (it's over~~~), and then today I am missing Rihanna's old songs, e.g. Don't Stop The Music!

LOVE IT. (Oh and I'm still sick of Disturbia. Missing Don't Stop the Music. And I guess the next would be Take a Bow but not yet :P).

Oh and New Kids on The Block is... An old band. Really really old. I saw their old videos and went "wtf?". But their new videos are not so bad... Hmm mm. Oh and I kind of like this new song! "Big Girl Now" by New Kids On the Block ft. Lady GaGa.

I am not like Salt who bothers listening to ALL of their songs in their albums one by one... Usually I listen to only singles. Hmm mm.

But yes, I'm loving music all over again. Probably those old ones. Whee whee. Back in time, babe.

It's a revolution, throw your hands up, cause we never gave in

2009-02-07T06:25:00.000-08:00

Kind of like the song. Taylor Swift did it well but I don't think it's one of my most favourite songs around... Liking Rihanna's Bad Girl.

Anyway, this post is 1 day overdue, thanks to my inefficiency, but whatever.

I am looking forward to change.

The past few weeks have been like, a battlefield of constructive criticism. Teachers have been telling us ways to improve ourselves, bits here and there, and I'm beginning to feel what hostel has to offer for me. I would say, that it isn't the hostel people that actually helped in the process, but more of the way I make things happen.

Just to make it sound simpler, hostel has made me more inefficent. Bloody inefficient, I have to emphasize. But whatever. The reason being I find myself sitting on my bed, waiting for about 10 more minutes so I can get roll-call done with and SLEEP. I find myself sitting in the canteen, waiting for 10 minutes for the queue at the food area to clear, before I can get my second serving.

This inefficiency craves for more efficiency - I find break times rather inefficient too, but heck, I still have to get some work done.

Teachers have been hurling constructive criticism and feedback to us for the past few weeks, noticing that hostel might not be all that good. Indeed, I still hold my stand that hostel sucks, because of the STUPID REPORTING. But otherwise, if it was like a place where I could stay, like any block of flats, I am alright. Screw hostel.

Another thing about hostel is that I need more sleep. I don't know why, I don't know how, but it just seems that I am lacking sleep. I just need to sleep more and more. Bloody hostel.

Okay back to the teachers thing.

I am one who always try to understand people. And I'm in the midst of defining myself even further. Yes, it is a subconscious thing that is occurring within me, for whatever reason I could feel myself defining myself at any random instant. It is really frustrating to understand a teacher's weird logic when it doesn't make sense to me, but at the same time it's really intriguing. It just draws me closer. But I hate it somewhat.

The constructive criticisms has opened my mind somewhat, making me more inclined to working harder, changing my goals in life, re-prioritizing things, etc. It's just... Lots of things which I want to say. Which I want to do. But, like everyone knows, it's easy to say something but it's the action that counts.

So my whole point is that, I have been trying to do certain things that I have in mind. According to many tests done, I am a perfectionist, but I realized that gets the nerves out of my friends, who are perfectly fine with imperfections in their life, but the fact is that although I can live with imperfections, I want to make sure those imperfections are perfectly fine with me. So ultimately, I still don't care, I really hate it when some people do certain things, and I am rather insistent on it. But if they are incorrigible, whatever, I can't care even more.

But this is what I hope. It has to start somewhere. And I am going to put my step out in the open. No more procrastinating. This is it.

I HATE {crys}

2009-02-06T21:42:00.000-08:00

I AM NOT LISTENING TO THE SONGS! But whatever, I can't be arsed to, just need to find a song to fit here.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PISSED ME OFF. AND WORSE STILL, THEY DON'T CARE / CARE SO MUCH THEY STARTED CRYING.

Like what the crap!

I am seriously seriously bloody pissed. For whatever hella reason, you did a mistake, and then I found out the truth, and confronted you about it, you try to sneak your way out of it by changing what you "said". I HATE THIS, I REALLY HATE IT, and of course I will start scolding you, AND THE WORST THING IS STARTING TO CRY/NOT CARE.

What the crap man!

I might have a soft spot for people who cry or something, but seriously, learn to admit your mistakes and learn from it and change. Don't be a retarded idiot - I might take pity when you cry and stop the scolding but that doesn't mean my anger stops there - seriously, you're still retarded in my mind.

For now, I need somewhere else to crash.

Bad Girl

2009-02-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Rihanna does it again!

Liking Emergency Room, and Bad Girl now! Go listen.

Though this is just a preview I hope the full song arrives soon... HEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE

Do the Stanky Leg

2009-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

Reminds me of Ciara. In 1 song Ciara teaches you how to spell. Hmm. This song just lacks something 'wow'. Oh well.

Pussycat Dolls - Bottle Pop

2009-01-31T18:37:00.000-08:00

This song and video's weird.

It's like I'm watching a Bollywood movie.

*Switches to High Quality mode*

Better.

Still very weird. AHHHH

Queensberry - I can't stop feeling

2009-01-31T18:14:00.000-08:00

I actually liked this song!

Felt so 1990s, but whatever.

I think modern music is moving towards a new direction - away from that in 2007-2008. I don't know, Travis Garland's songs are hitting me hard with Calvin Goldspink's!

Anyway, in other news, lucky me, I was playing the 21 cards game and I won with 3 7s!!! I didn't know it was special, but whatever, I got paid 7 times my bet: $3.50. YAY!

I'll be returning to hostel tonight... This sucks. There's games day tonight. I wonder what's up with placing all the events on a Sunday night. First of all, it's night. Secondly, there's school the next day. I hate this arrangement.

But what can you do with an incompetent bunch of monkeys? Bleh.

That's it all for now.

Time to rush homework and revision.

Pink - Please Don't Leave Me

2009-01-29T00:56:00.000-08:00

Love this video!

Pink acts crazy and I THINK IT'S FUNNY! YAY.

But I still like Calvin Goldspink more. WHEE. Don't Fail Me <3.---School
School's PE has been hell, and somehow I am growing fatter and fatter. It's all the school's fault. Sigh.

I'm telling myself, that it's only a few more months. Time seems to stretch when I think of something that I want to come faster. Time seems to contract when I think of something I don't want to come.

Sigh.

My life would suck without you

2009-01-28T04:05:00.000-08:00

School has settled just like how burnt tea leaves would, on water.

Some would sink, some would settle.

That's Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You, for you. =)

I haven't exactly found my soulmate, but life has been pretty kind. And I passed my AP chem quiz, and I'm really happy about it! The marks are not awesome, but I am satisfied considering the mark ranges and the first expectations I had. Whee.

I am very busy, so I am updating even lesser nowadays... Sigh.

Oh and I discovered a new singer who Travis calls "my boy". HMM...

Time to see how long it would make me feel sick.

long too late to turn around

2009-01-26T19:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we never see the warning
And the voice in your head tells you not to go
It really makes me wonder why somethings happen when they do
It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you

I worry.
Deep within.

It's been plaguing me ever since forever. It's a personal secret which I know I don't want to share. I don't want anyone to know.

But bottling up deep within makes me worry. I worry. I worry people find out about it. I worry that I can't undo everything without anyone's knowledge.

I never got a second chance. It came without a warning. Maybe, maybe people knew about it, but I sure didn't. It just swept me away as I led myself into this thing which I regretted.

Of course, luckily, it can be "undone", but it costs a bomb. In addition to that, people who I don't want to know might know about it.

Which is why, I worry.

I like to seek refuge in blinding myself with things at the moment. Like, go out, forget that my problems exist for a while, and then have the time of my life. Sometimes I use other means to make myself forget about reality temporarily.

But I am real. I live in reality. Not that I have much choice to run away from it.

I reflect, at night, and it causes me more excessive worrying. I worry, and I worry, not only about that, but I try to bring other issues of focus to my head, so I can cloud that aside first, but ultimately, I still return back to the same problem.

Sigh.

People tell me 'nobody said growing up was easy.' Yea, yea, nobody said it was. But, then, don't compare my life with yours, or anyone elses', cause it's NEVER fair to say yours is worse than anyone's elses, or even better, because, who's to judge?

The greatest torture in this world, is not the financial side, or the physical side, but more on the emotional and mental side. It's like, you can say a girl's pitiful just cause she lost her parents at a very young age. But, what makes you think, a boy, who seems like he has the perfect family is any much happier? You just can't compare such things. I mean unless they are really that sure they feel that way... Which then is a different thing.

Sigh.

I'm returning to hostel today night.

I swear, I hate my school's Chemistry curriculum. What the hell is it with overloading students. If I become your principal someday, I'll make sure you have a hell fun roller coaster ride attending my meetings and scoldings for not being able to produce competent students (who don't complain bad about the module).

Happy CNY all!

2009-01-26T06:55:00.000-08:00

First of all, HAPPY CNY everyone!

Secondly, I have been stucking too much ELECTROPOP INTO MY EARS.
It is screwing up my mind. Electropop's addictive, hookish, and is extreemly catchy. And speaking of which, Travis Garland's so sexy...

I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere
Searching for a way to get home
Wish I could call but
we don't even talk anymore
Feels like I'm stranded on my own.
(From STRANDED, Travis Garland)

Electromagnetic's sexier and more catchy. And it's REALLY electropop.

I'm electromagnetic~~~

Travis Garland can be the next Justin Timberlake and make that Justin Timberlake go away...

Okay!

That is what I have been up to! Yeap. But it didn't take up my whole CNY though.

Can you believe I have exactly 0 coins in Pet Society?! LIKE WTFIAK, I had close to 5000 coins before today, and I decided to buy the Ox costume since it was the year of the ox (seriously, the horns sucks, I should wear my viking helmet) and then the pet dragon costs 2500 coins!!! So I ended up withering away all the money.

But thankfully a primary school friend started playing pet society so I had 1 more person to earn coins from! And I started walking around town hitting the trees to get some free coins. HMM.

Alright, that's about it for Pet Society. I'm thinking of more ways to earn coins.

Say, I have 9 friends to visit, so every week, I can earn 20 x 9 x 7 = 1260 (from mental calculations, so it could be wrong). 1260 coins is PATHETIC, and considering that from the 10 races I am allowed daily, I get 7 right, meaning 7 x 30 x 7 = 1470 (from mental calculations). Considering the very fact that I don't need coins to buy apples for my pet, say, I will spend about 100 coins weekly. So, 1260 + 1470 - 100 = 2630 coins.

AHHH. Some people are earning 7000+++ just cause of the number of friends they add to their facebook account!

Maybe I should re-create another facebook account WITHOUT my photos and add everyone there. Maybe then it'll make my life way better and easier.

Okay, onto CNY stuff!

Woke up early, wished my parents Happy CNY, and apparently what my mother gave me remained the same, while my father's DECREASED. I don't see an auspicious 3 or 8 anymore! WHAT THE CRAP! But wells, I'm not in any position to complain.

Went over to my father's youngest brother's house, who is my uncle, obviously, and he's not married so no angbaos for me. Boring there. He locks his dogs up in his kitchen. And somehow his house reeks of dog urine. SIGH. I wonder, when I own a dog, whether it's possible I put some fresh herbs / scent around the house, would it hide the awful urine smell..?

Anyway, then left for the temple. I CRIED! THE SMOKE WAS SO BLOODY THICK, THEY WERE BLOWING RIGHT INTO MY EYES. I just cried!!! SNIFF. I couldn't even open my eyes well!

But anyway...

This is the sun that is in partial solar eclipse. Stupid Sun. SO BRIGHT up in the sky. Or else it's covered by the clouds. Zzz!

But anyway, well, yes, that's the partial solar eclipse for you. It isn't clear in my phone, NOT AT ALL, a few reasons, namely because I don't have the main instrument to view it, and that I am not in a very geographically ideal position. Thirdly, the weather sucked.

I wonder if I spoilt my camera/phone, after all, it was how a friend's camera of mine spoilt when, one day, she merrily snap a shot out of the window, opposite her block of flats, which was a block of flats with shut windows, and one of them has a sun directly reflecting on it.

AND TADAH, her camera died.

So yes.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

MOO.

Beautiful Mac, Ugly Windows

2009-01-25T06:47:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I am like the many users who have started out with Windows all their lives and then tried Macbook.

I'm proud to say, I am a happy Macbook user!

I don't hate XP, I really don't. In fact, I think XP is awesome, with it's simple features and everything so intuitive.

Ah, don't we miss those days where there was Windows 98, 2000 (and forget ME)?

Although things weren't that advanced then, but seriously, do we require all the applications that our computers come with? NAH NO.

In the years that Microsoft Exchange (Or Outlook) existed, I NEVER HAD ANY USE FOR IT. And even the Microsoft Entourage. Some people like their mail all there together. But me? Nope. I don't mind going to the websites itself to read my e-mails...

But as time progressed, as evil hackers existed, they start to come up with viruses that infect common computers that run on Windows! I just can't stand it any longer, I myself having gotten some viruses before, and having to rid them off with antivirus softwares that REALLY PISS MY ASS OFF.
I hate Norton Antivirus. In fact, I used to like it, but the newer version either seems like an empty nutcase or something that is overly complicated. Same to all antivirus programs.
But for my first laptop, an Acer Travelmate 4060 I owned, I used Bitdefender, which was ALL BUT IRRITATING. I thought it was great, but decided not as the years went on and it seemed like it was doing nothing...

And there are frequent XP updates! These are bloody irritating, especially nowadays, when they will be updating almost WEEKLY to MONTHLY. It makes my blood BOIL (and my friends too).

But other than that, XP is alright, I am really happy with it. I was asking my friend if I don't use it to connect to the Internet, would XP be good?

He gave me a simple reply. What can you do with a computer that doesn't connect to the Internet? HARDLY ANYTHING.

Then I went to think about the great old 1990s. In the 1990s, games were created to suit people who didn't have to interact with each other - just the computer and you. Or you can have someone sit beside you and both play against each other.
In fact, some games were really fun and addictive! This whole thing even lasted till the 2000s, and I think it started dying out from 2003 onwards.

Back in the 1990s, I remember I was in primary school, we hardly ever needed to use the Internet. The Internet was like a thing for the adults - my father who frequently talks about e-mailing people and saying the Internet is like a mini encyclopedia (back then when there was Google, Yahoo and Lycos, when MSN was less prominent as a search engine. Too bad Lycos NEARLY died out a few years ago, but is currently still running somehow).

Anyway, we didn't have to use the Internet. We do lots of things with the computer - play games, use powerpoint to create animations to fascinate ourselves, work on projects, etc. Word was alright, excel too.

But in the 2000s when Messenger started getting more popular, and schools focus on ICT learning, our reliance on the Internet increased. MMORPGs were created, nobody was interested in sitting beside each other and play a racing game as opposed to playing online with a keyboard of your own. And blahblahblah. The list goes on.

You can still work on a XP without connecting to the Internet today, but imagine (since Diskettes are like, nearly non-existent) you having to burn CDs to transfer files. Oh wait, no more CDs, that's so early 2000s to 2005. Thumbdrives! Yeap.

Thumbdrives are alright, but seriously, HOW MANY OF US, have found the use of thumbdrives that needed in today's society? Want to send something over? Send via e-mails!
We seldom use thumbdrives UNLESS, the file is extremely big, the person is just beside you, or that the Internet is freaking slow. So yes.

THE INTERNET.

Which makes me move onto the next point. Games today have evolved in such a manner that it appeals to a different range of consumers. The difference is there but we can't point out what. Maybe, something that is more interactive, something that is less than adrenaline based, but more on intelligence, strategy stuff, where you compete with your friends over something? Yeap.

But that's it. You need the Internet for everything. And that's the problem with everyone. It promotes restlessness. After using the computer for a while, you feel lazy and don't know what you want to do. So you decide to take a rest. And you leave your laptop on. Cause you know you want to use it later. But unsure when. You develop restlessness from it all.

So, after having enough lagginess and of XP after so many years, I decided to change my laptop! As of EOY 2008, there were 2 choices for me: Macbook (which obviously runs on OS) or Windows laptops (Lenovo, HP, Compaq, Acer, Toshiba, etc).

I hesitated against a macbook, simply because not all applications run on macbooks, as opposed to Windows. But the problem was, the Windows system that was the one running at that point of time, which is still, as of now, is Windows Vista! AND WINDOWS VISTA SUCKS.

Despite the number of people who tell me, those people who say Windows Vista sucks are lying, just simply cause it doesn't lag on your computer, I still don't believe you.

Cause I have tried Vista on my friend's Lenovo and it's NOT to my liking.

You have to agree to allow access to many of some programs you execute. I'm not sure, but you could say that I can go set it at the settings, but WHATEVER, it's too IRRITATING TO DO SO.

I hate the complexity of Windows Vista.

Moving from XP to Vista is not simple and smooth. There are significant changes that overwhelm you. It's a bit like moving from XP to Macbook. But the point is Macbook takes you a step back from complexity (like deleting applications) vs Vista takes you a step forward.

What's the use, of making your opened windows into 3D layouts, OTHER THAN FOR DESIGN PURPOSES? Huhur? I think that would help in powerpoint, or some animation thingy, but to layout the opened windows like that, nah.

And some things are practically useless! Yes, USELESS.

And why the hell is it so much laggier than XP. By a few times! For all of you who say it doesn't, shut the f up. XP requires a minimum of 512 MB (RAM) if I am not wrong, whereas Vista requires a minimum of 1GB RAM. My XP runs on 512 MB RAM, since it's bought years ago, and it works PERFECTLY ALRIGHT (until I ran out with space). But as for Vista, though my friend has a Lenovo laptop that has 2GB RAM, it still fucking lags!

Therefore, I was CONVINCED not to get Vista.

So I went to read up on Macbook, and I read that the following year, Apple should be releasing the next version of OS that would allow RAM up to 16TB, and that made me wonder if I should WAIT. And I went to read up on the failed Vista stuff, and they said Windows 7 would be released next year too. =_____=.

Windows 7 seems alright to me, but I don't know about it yet. I would want to return back to Windows someday, regardless of how much I love macbook.

But I'm loving my macbook too much!

I love this GLOSSY SCREEN. At first, I doubted that it would be good, but it doesn't reflect my reflection and stuff, so it's AWESOME. Next, the new touchpad's AWESOME, and I like it. I can even zoom into the screen!!! LITERALLY, the whole screen.

And you know what the best part is? Windows 7 is BECOMING a bit more like Macbook in a few ways. Functions like those that move your applications out of the desktop so you can see your desktop is now there. And like something to organize your windows. AND ZOOMING INTO WINDOWS SCREEN. Sounds mac!!!

Yeap, so that's it. I LOVE MACBOOK. MACBOOK ROCKS. And haven't been giving me problems lately. Except for 1 thing which I am not yet irritated about. That is, Safari crashes from time to time. I am used to using Firefox in my previous Acer (cause Internet Explorer SUCKS. I HATE IE), and Safari's like a Firefox but lousier but alright. Yeap.

So that's it. Macbook for a few more years. But I also do want a Windows 7 soon, so I can have Boot Camp. DAMN, I don't have any Windows CD cause most of those programs were pre-installed T_T.

Happy CNY everyone!

Can you feel how cold I am?

2009-01-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine

It's Chinese New Year eve!

Dreams are still weird, like yesterday, I remember part of my dream was my sister finding out that I have matured (physically)! Like what the crap, but whatever.

Got reminded of it, especially after I went to wash my face in the mirror I notice all the stubble. I HATE STUBBLE. They grow damn fast!!!

I'm loving Travis Garland's music more and more... <3!

Whee.

CNY 2009

2009-01-24T03:36:00.000-08:00

Since CNY is around the corner, I should block all negative things out of my head!

Yeap.

Alright, the song above features Little Nonya stars, namely Jeanette Aw, Joanne Peh, Felicia Chin, Pierre Png, Qi YuWu, Nat Ho.

Chose that song cause I didn't like any others. Hmm mm.

Anyway, CNY 2009 is around the corner. For many around the world, they're all worrying about their jobs. Yeap. But life's not all that gloomy in Singapore (yet). Apparently, streets are still flooding with people buying things...

We'll see in a few more months.

Since Chinese New Year is around the corner, it's time to be in the festive mood!

Tidbits were already bought, oranges were prepared, everything's pretty much settled at home (though I must say that the cleanliness level could had been higher).

I'm looking for a mini portable vacuum cleaner for my hostel. Suggestions, anyone? I am on budget. Oh and I also want a mini portable fan too. It's too bloody hot outside nowadays.

Okay, back to CNY. I guess, to not spoil my mood or anyone elses' during CNY, I shall be nice to everyone I meet. Now, being nice doesn't mean I like you (all the time). It is just that I am trying to like you. I am not being fake or anything. There's a fine line in between being fake and being sincere - and now what I am doing is sincere.

Whatever it is, I hope karma comes back in 1 big round and we get what we all deserve. Whether you have been good or not, get it back in 2009.

I do know I owe some people some things (think Boney's Twilight, which I self-donated to myself bwahaha) and MG's cards (which he didn't pay me but I'll just consider it a gift then). And some others. But I am pushing the taboo away! Haha...

I am going cycling in a while more, after I slack a while more, and maybe drink some bubble tea. It's been a long while. Miss ya <3.

Happy CNY everyone!

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones!

Hips don't lie

2009-01-23T22:01:00.000-08:00

I'm currently chewing on some cheese in my mouth to give me some cheesy feel. Crap I know. But haha. Fun.

Before I start off, I'll first clarify that cause of my phone's damn bad memory, it was 2 smses instead of 3. Fine. But I'm still upset. Will edit the previous post later.

Okay done. Guess this post is gonna be splitted into 2!

I have been having the weirdest of all dreams the past few days!!! 3 days ago, I dreamt about one of my family members losing her job *choi*. The next day, I dreamt about my teacher catching me for doing something evil, thanks to my wonderfully evil mind, ALTHOUGH I did think I could do such things I believe I will refrain myself from doing so but in the dream it seemed so real =\.
And yesterday, I dreamt about missing class!!! And it seemed so bloody real, cause I don't recall much about the day's event.

So here goes:

On Wednesdays after ACE I have Organic Chemistry lessons. In the dream, I mistook the Wednesdays' ACE for PE, and hence in the dream I thought after PE I was too godamn exhausted and forgot to go for Organic chemistry and it turns out the teacher didn't teach anything cause he was telling the class about the tremendous stress's he's getting. And although it's like that, he still takes bloody attendance! Because I have NO recall of that day, I asked my friends about it, whether I was there, and they said 'no' and stuff in the dream. WTFIAK!

SO REAL.

Anyway, my dreams recently have been so SHITTY.

-----

Travis Garland had released another solo track titled "Stranded". Once I find it I'll post about it. Awesome Travis.

-----

While Salt has her tremendous loads of friends who she goes out with, tell each other things about, I hate feeling a little less than what I feel, and I shall be VERY open about it.

I hate feeling any less cared.

I want someone who can appreciate me for who I am. Not take me for granted. Just as much as most others want.

Everyone's lives does not revolve around any other specific person. I am very aware of this myself. I don't expect people to think of me 24/7, because they are not my soulmate, and they have made it very clear they have others in mind, but I don't want them to shrug me off like I'm a total stranger either.

I don't like the very fact that you tell someone something you like, say, a site to watch movies, and that person goes off to telling others about it. It feels like robbing. It feels like someone has just taken away something precious from you, use it as their own and tell all their loved ones about it (as though it was them who found out about it).

If it was them who found out about it, it's FINE, just like if I found out about it, I can choose to tell whoever I want about it.

But if someone tells me something and I go tell my loved ones about it, to me, I stress, to me, it just means a lack of trust and concern and respect for the person when I tell my other loved ones about it. Worse still, WITHOUT saying who it is from, shows a total lack of respect.

That is what's up with people, they tell others about things others tell you. I hate, I hate such things.

And maybe that is why people keep things to themselves. Cause they hate some things that result in some dislike. Like, feeling of being robbed, the feeling of having something you consider a privilege your friends should have to being told to the people you hate.

And I am fucking closing up. Because I DON'T LIKE SUCH THINGS TO BE HAPPENING.

I feel depreciated.

To you, it might feel as though just telling others about it all is fine, because you do so. But like everyone knows deep within, everyone's fucking unique. WHY, WHY CAN'T YOU SEEK MY OPINION FIRST? Why, do you have to assume that such things are just oversensitivity on my part and hence I am WRONG? Whoever said being insensitive is a bad thing? It's just a unique trait in some others with pro-s and con-s and is NOT bad.

That said, I end with the conclusion for my first point that I HATE, when I tell you things, you tell others about it as though it's your own.

Onto the second point.

I am not a very jealous person. But on the other hand, I don't deny I can get jealous. But I am not "very" jealous of anyone in particular.

You have your own life, yes, live it well. I am happy for you as a friend. I am happy if you're happy. Because you're my friend.

But it comes to a point of irritation when the feeling of depreciation kicks in. You want to place those friends above me, fine. But let me know. Though I know you bloody wouldn't.

It doesn't apply to just only a person I know, but practically everyone. You turn displeased with something one does, and just secretly depreciate his value without giving him reasons why. Fine, normal, I am guilty of this myself too.

But why? Just cause someone else is seemingly more "fun", cause someone else is seemingly higher in "rank", like, intelligence/popularity/looks?

It's just a feeling of lost of respect. To just shrug people off.

But let me know.

Friendship isn't measured via single numbers, but more like qualities and percentages. It's relative.
You can know deep within I know (which in fact I don't, I FEEL) that I matter the most.

But you realize, it's what everyone says!

Drama, shows, anime, novels, books, anywhere, that's what everyone says. Then you're going to give me the -.= look.

Like, if I go out with a certain friend all the time, and then tell you about it daily, you'll be like, -.= and I tell you deep within you're still my best friend though I spend all my time with someone else, it's all crap, duh.

And you're going to tell me that you don't do that, you still spend time with me, and starts stating figures of the NUMBER OF TIMES we went out in the past month/or so.

If friendship is measured in the number of times we meet, then I'll say, all my best friends are my classmates/hostel roommate. Which is crap.

Because friendship's a measure of the feelings friends have for each other. It's not as simple as just people you hang out with. It's not as simple as people who you care for if something happens to them. It's people whose lives you are part of. it's people whose lives are part of yours.

Then you're gonna tell me people are unique and different and what are friends to one is not to the other. IT IS NOT TRUE. Tell me, if friendship is a word that is used generally, how the hell can the meaning of it be that different from one individual to the next? And you know something called a dictionary that generally lists all the meanings of the words together? "Friendship" is in it. And it might not be described that indepth but yes. It's what everyone generally adopts.

If what I consider isn't friends to you, I rather you tell me what it is. Soulmate? Lover? Oh wow, then I'll tell you that maybe then I have been treating you wrongly, "friend".

That said, it's the second, I HATE it when people misunderstands what friendship is, and simply states that "everyone is unique" as an excuse, because it is so NOT. People need to know that friendship and care isn't measured via the number of outings together and such.

Thirdly, don't bloody shrug off anything I tell you. If I'm your friend, give at least a bloody thought about what I say.

You get pissed when you tell me something and I doubt it, just pretending you're not saying anything and do something and end up finding out that you're right. You'll go "See!!!" and end up being pekcek.

I hate it when you have times of being mad with people by giving others the silent treatment while when people just voice their frustrations over you openly, you get pissed off.

It's a give and take situation thing. If I can withstand the very fact you give people silent treatments sometimes, why can't you be understanding enough and not get as mad when people voice their frustrations over you? You'll go "it's just different!". Didn't you say people are unique and that people will handle things differently? NOW THIS IS WHAT I WOULDN'T DISAGREE ON.

But back to the main third point. I also hate it when you just heck-care sometimes, because if I am mad because of you, the very least I expect from you is to be APOLOGETIC. Cause showing you're not apologetic is akin to showing you DON'T CARE, like you say, HECK CARE.

I hate friends who claim they care but don't care, just heck-care.

And, also consider my bloody opinions, even if you feel they don't matter at all. So what if he's your brother and stuff? Yes, you listen to your brother more, but does what I say weigh any lesser? That's UNFAIR, that's discrimination.

So give a hoot about my opinions.

You say you do, but I'll say "not much". The degree matters. And don't put me in comparison parallel to anyone else, because you wouldn't like if I use you as an object either.

Say, if your brother tells you a show's nice, you go watch it and see whether you like it or not. If I tell you a show's nice (think Skins), you watch a bloody episode and quickly end up with a conclusion it sucks.

You wouldn't notice it, but the feeling's neglect-ion.

Yea.

And I guess the past few weeks, hostel + other friendship matters have been driving this matter through the tunnels in my brain.

I can't stand the fact that you shrug off what I say when I tell you to just GO OUT of the office because you're creating a scene by using vulgarities in the office. I can't stand the fact that I tell you to not do certain things/act certain ways because I AM IN SCHOOL, AND PEOPLE ARE WATCHING ME, PEOPLE I ASSOCIATE MANY HOURS WITH. You don't get embarrassed, I do.

I have humility, even if you don't. You're not respecting me if I give you the opportunity to come to school to take a look at the building, but you just do what you want without my agreement.

I hate that.

I don't want to be the one to hide all my friends away. I want my friends to feel what I can give them. I want my friends to enjoy the privileges I can share. But I don't want them to exploit it.

If that's the simple bloody case, I really don't know what to do. But just, fuck you.

With these all vented out in the few posts, I guess, things need to be cooled down in the following weeks. I don't know, but I am just not that shallow to just let things go within a few minutes when it's over. I need time to past a little. Or for something big to happen.

I guess for the next few days, I'll be going out with MG instead. After all, Salt said her friend's celebration's on the way, which means I am most probably going to be ignored (for a while), and then after which, I don't know what's going to happen. What's up with making myself feel miserable by reminding myself of the fact that you're having the time of your life out there while I'm rotting away waiting for you to spend time with me?

Yeap, like some people say, I should go have a life and find others instead. Yeap. That's when friendship rank changes.

I don't know what else to say. But I really don't want to feel exploited/disrespected/depreciated/neglected.

You have your time of your life there, I have mine too.
And just cause we're friends, I wouldn't want bad things to come with you, likewise, I wouldn't want you to feel unhappy. But I want myself to be happy too. So that's it.

We're not business associates, we're not just classmates, we're more than friends.

Forgotten

2009-01-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to hostel, there has been some sort of changing in my friendship list stuff.

It's partly due to time spent, but quantity isn't all that matters. Quality too. Which means maybe sometimes I speak to this friend for say, 5 minutes in a day, that only happens once in 3 days, our friendship could still (miraculously) improve and succeed some others.

While some others cling onto me and/or I cling onto some others, the friendship doesn't feel as good anymore. Probably for a few reasons here and there, like, neglect, concern at wrong areas, not understanding and such. And for such friendships I just start wanting to shut them away off because they don't make me feel as good anymore.

A new motto of my life is to feel good in most of the things you do. Do whatever that makes you feel good. Most of the time anyway.

Friendship in school has been average, I've pretty much found the group which I can hang out with though I am still hesitating a little. It's all cause they haven't exactly left their old groups. Maybe they wouldn't. But should I get myself integrated there, or should I just let nature take its course, just sit back and do nothing temporarily? I'll take the latter.

Some people have turned really bitchy. Whatever gotten into them, be it hormonal, character, mental, whatever, they just turned bitchy. What's up with walking past others and lifting your head up SOOOO high and making sure others see you? Call it karma or whatever, but I do that. But it doesn't mean I like people doing it to me without reason!

I mean, it's only recently some have started acting that way. But, I have always been that way, so what the hell!

I still see Goldfish eye around in school nowadays. Jinx-y. Apparently MG doesn't. RAWR. But this time Goldfish is freaking me out with smiles. It was stares previously. Sigh.

It's like having been forgotten.

Weird.

Onto another topic.

I can't believe how can a friend "forget" to just reply back some simple continuous smses! Say, if it's just 2, it's still excusable, cause I have ever forgot to reply such sms-es before, probably due to the fact that I was having class / feeling uber sian or busy.

But "forgetting" a series of smses, that consists of at least 4, is kind of ridiculous, and how would you expect the person at the other end of the spectrum to believe that you "forgot" simply because you were busy with something else? Does it kill, to just check back and see on what you have left out, rather than simply blocking out on some others?

EDIT: Turns out my phone's dumb to not send out all those sms-es and being super tired yesterday, I probably mistook them all for >4. Cause I wanted to send 2 more but they ended up not being sent or something. But whatever, Doesn't it still make others feel neglected?

It doesn't matter then, though, that I feel neglected, that I feel of less of a significance. I feel that way cause I care, cause the person means something to me, but I decided not to, because no matter how much I care, the person NEVER cares. Even if she did, she wouldn't spend hours like me caring.

So the point is, I TRY NOT TO CARE. And when I try not to care, I can't place the friendship on the same importance level as it was, or used to be, cause putting it on such a level requires care which can't be achieved. And hence, I ended up not caring much.

But the frustration doesn't end there, when I asked for something simple when it just occurred in my mind and she just simply forgot about it. Not as bad as whatever happened hours ago, partly cause I am semi-accustomed to it, happening for say, the 3rd time? I don't know, I lost count actually.

It's just the feeling of caring(/neglected) that matters. It's all pretty much explained in Travis Garland's Let Me Know. Because you can never be freaking assured that what you feel is true. You can't be fully assured that the feelings of "wanting for the other party to be good" and "friendship level" is of the same degree as each other. All you know is they're of the same magnitude. Usually.

Degree matters, because, you're doing something which you know you're doing. You'll get to appreciate it better. You get to be thankful for what's there and what's not. You get to know your life.

I don't care a single less about the things in my life, because I am the owner of my life; I own my body, I own my soul, I own my spirit. Well that's until I die and god takes me away... I feel the threat already. Like, say, chest pain and stuff? Yea. Times too many. But I'm still living so I guess God's just giving me a warning or sort of.

Like one of my friends said, amongst all the classmates in my batch, I am more probably known as the one to notice all the mini details. That's cause my life's my life. I remember the seating arrangements in class. I remember lots of things. I remember cause time cannot be reversed. I like to savour every moment in life. I hate going back to friendships. I hate rebuilding broken things. I do wish for happy endings but I hate the process of going to it by rebuilding things. Because they are scars in my life.

And speaking of which, I get a great sense of ANNOYANCE when people "lol" at the most INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. Of course, you can say that you had nothing else to say and used that as a pause-filler, you can say that you don't mean that but blahblahblah, it all still ANNOYS the hell out of me.

Words are created for a reason. They're created for communication. No doubt, in my previous posts, I have said that words are just words, they could be replaced by something else if somewhere in history something else happened and so vulgarities could just be simple words.

But in this case, in today's society, the words you use to communicate should OBEY what the words mean, because, it is the general rule that people understand words according to how they understand them, and this understanding is shaped from the education they received, which for many years people have made language language; to put it simply, a dictionary is a dictionary and the word meanings are just word meanings that apply to that language and people who speak that language use it.

So, saying "lol", even if "lol" isn't in the dictionary but if you're not that dumb, you get that I mean that it's a set of rules in the language of which people understand what it is, is insulting and inappropriate at certain times.

Saying "lol" and some other things when people are extremely frustrated is irritating. It displays a lack of concern and sincerity. It shows that you're insensitive. And that is not what friends would like to hear from people who they call their "FRIENDS".

You can say it's a pause-filler cause you've nothing else to say, but fuck you, fuck your head off, cause you had the choice to COMFORT. Say you're really helpless at such situations, you could remain silent and try to change the atmosphere (SLOWLY), or at the very least, SAY NOTHING THAT SHOWS INSENSITIVITY.

How would you like if I start laughing at the very fact that you might be facing financial difficulty? I'm betting on a 65% chance you would say "nothing", and if so, fuck you, and if you don't bother I shan't either. But obviously, I wouldn't even say that. But I can't say the same for you to me.

Why are things that hard?

Is it easy to forget some things that are just around you?

Forgotten.

Skins series 3 - START

2009-01-23T06:56:00.000-08:00

Alright, Skins series 3 have been quite awesome thus far, and I find that the first episode quite successfully grasp the audience's attention already. Great enough.

There's been a few references to the previous characters like Tony Stonem and Sid Jenkins, but hahaha.

Many have voiced Cook as their favourite character but somehow I prefer Freddie over Cook. Fred just seems more... I don't know. Hahaha.

Effy's pretty and sexy, and Pandora's turning better (though I still hate her voice). Like Emily hate Katie. Naomi seemed interesting (before I watched the show) but her character hasn't been interesting as yet thus far. But I think it would pick up in the next few episodes.

Oh and I just can't helping when this overly paranoid character just starts going bonkers. Her scream's funny. HAHAHA.

Alright, happy things aside, school has been retarded!!! Talk more about it tomorrow. For now, I want my beauty sleep, so tata.

Too much

2009-01-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

School progressed into the third week.

Life has been busy, especially with a Chemistry tutorial, Chemistry Quiz, English homework, Math assignment, Math test all coming up.
But I'm still surviving well, though I can hardly stay alive any longer.

It sucks, it sucks horribly, when your bag gets thrown on the floor flat shut, when you left it aside, while others stuff get left on a table somewhere. It sucks when you see your bag FLAT on the floor.

That sucks bloody hell.

Well, anyway, macbook's been fine, except for 1 thing. Everytime I enter (in blogger), macbook automatically attaches formatting codes around it. Grr.

I have been trying to do well in class, but I doubt my moment to shine has come. I need more time to study. Staying in hostel ruins all time management.

I have also been thinking about my friend from far overseas. It's like, yes, I've gotten over him, I don't miss him as much, I don't think about him as much, but I can't help but think when I see someone similar looking like him in school almost daily.

We don't speak as much, yes, I'm okay with that now, we feel distant, yes, but whatever, I don't care either. But what bothers me is what we are at. It's like, I don't want to blind myself at how good/bad the friendship is, but yea. It's like I want a checkpoint. Ah well.

I also wonder how is well. I wonder how he is. But at the same time I wouldn't want him back by my side any longer, because I believe we all have changed. I do think about the times that we had together, but they are all just in the memory.

Too much school, too much association with people, too much work, drives me crazy.

Beautiful People

2009-01-18T00:58:00.000-08:00

It's been weeks since I've moved into hostel, and I am getting sicked of all the things in hostel. Hostel Assembly to me is nothing but just brainwashing bullcrap, to show that they "care" about you, when in fact they don't and prefer robbing you of your riches, and reducing complaints by showing they "care".

It's like a white elephant in a way.

Anyway, I've been studying a little in the afternoon when I started worrying about project stuff. It's tough. Cause people sucks.

I've been thinking why. Why my school. Why my fellow peers in other schools do not get disputes as much as I do, over projects. I've been thinking about how I have been acting during projects.

People just have a reason to hate each other.

This is a fact, especially in my school. People tend to find faults in each other, and always have something negative to say about someone else.

Why?

Because they think they're superior. They think that if you're in such a school, there is bound to be different kinds of people around, the good and the bad.

I don't deny that fact. But what's with picking on people's little bad things when you have your own too?

Anyway, another matter that has been bothering me is also on about if people can live in harmony. Apparently, no.

If you do well, you get hated for pulling the standards up and giving you a run for your money. If you do badly, you get despised and nobody wants to work with you.

Only, in a few circumstances people would like you regardless of how you do - if you're charming.

Whatever, I'm not that superficial, or at least I try not to be.

People in other schools also don't have that much grades to worry about. They tend to be less selfish. Think of it this way. If I'm going to work in groups, others will do the work for me. But if I am in a group of slackers, I am going to be the one doing the work. T_T

But the thing is some people disapprove of what others do strongly, and are rather extremists in the sense that they shut off people's opinions with a slam. I must say I hate this quite a lot, after experiencing it.

Well, whatever, I am stuck here for 2 more years.

He did it again!!!

2009-01-17T04:52:00.000-08:00

I did it again!

I passed my O' Level Higher Chinese with FLYING COLOURS!
I am elated. VERY HAPPY.

I never expected myself to perform so well, but haha, I scored as well as some other Chinese scholars.

I am thankful, to all those that brought me up to where I am today.

So thank you, firstly, to the teachers. Secondly my parents for my education. Thirdly my friends for not making my study hell.

And last but not least, the most important person of all, MYSELF.

*Haha*.

A bit "zi-kua". Yes. But if it wasn't for me, I wouldn't sit for the exam and pass it! LOL!

Yay.

Next up, I am so happy, I BROKE MY RECORD OF NUMBER OF SIT UPS IN A MINUTE.

Previously...

Last Year's NAPFA: 34 (Record-breaker xP)

Holiday's trial: 28 (TOOT. And I injure my back)

Last Week's NAPFA trial: 40!!!

RECORD-BROKEN MAN.

I don't care, I am one who sets high targets for myself and although the record isn't that awesome, it's an encouragement good enough for me to strive harder.

Sadly, because during the holidays I injured my back, and whenever I sat down/lied down, I couldn't get up without anyone's help, I did these sit ups slower. It did help.

BUT...

I developed a stomach cramp this time.

WTF!

A stomach cramp isn't the normal kind of cramps you have inside your tummy, those that you get when you jump around from eating too much. It's the contraction of muscles, similar to leg cramps.

And if you want to know the intensity of it, I'll just say it isn't as bad as leg cramps, but it somewhat similar to the cramps that guys sometimes receive at their balls area.

Don't ask me why, but sometimes guys just get cramps at the testicles and penis area, be it during pee-ing or whenever.

Maybe I'm wrong to say it's the balls that are getting the cramps. But whatever. It's that area.

Oh and I received my Macbook!!! YAYNESS!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3!!!

Macbook so far has been good to me :D Hehehe.

I just bought a bluetooth mouse today. Genius RB820BT. Can't say that it's awesome cause of it's gigantic size, and that it isn't exactly designed for Macbook, but I don't deny it is pretty awesome for it's price. It was initially $59, but the shopkeeper discounted it to $55. I asked for a lower price, and she suggested $53. I asked for $50, a final price, and she said she can't, but $52 is alright. So I settled for that. Thought I could let her earn a bit.

Oh and there was a free 500ml water accompanying it. So I didn't really mind though water costs like $0.30 for such a bottle.

So now it makes all my gifts from 2008 COMPLETE. Going by the Lunar New Year, it's still not yet "THE" new year yet. Heehee.

To sum up all the wonderful things that have happened to me in 2008, despite the economic downturn, I am still a happy teenager, living in a home where my parents still receive rather stable income. Now, I am not being insensitive by not caring for the less fortunate, but, I think if you ever had a moment of being a rich kid (think businessman kind), and now your parents are retrenched, I don't think you should take it that hardly, because, you had your time.

But for those people whose parents start earning less due to the economic recession, I hope you'll pull through well. That's all I can say. Just remember to spend less (somehow, this will cost others to receive less pay, sort of a domino effect...), and save more. Whatever the case.

But!

Here are the list of gifts I have received from 2008:

1. Bicycle (Father)

2. Track Shoes (Father, of course)

3. Increment of pocket money (it's increasing like e^0.1x or something. But still FAST. From mother)

4. Wallet (Salt and Boney)

5. Pencil Box (Salt and Boney)

6. Macbook and bluetooth mouse (Father!!! This was the year he spent the most on me thus far. I wouldn't count pregnancy and everything else though. ~.~)

7. Track Shoes II (Today, mother. YAY, GOT A SUPER WIDE SHOE <3! Mizuno)

8. Handphone Holder (from Victoria)

9. Sony Ericsson Handphone W595 (after upgrading, father paid wootz)

10. Various slippers and sandals which I have been missing out for the past few years, mainly cause they haven't been cheap, and that my old stock haven't spoilt (Mother)

10 great things, and I haven't considered the countless numbers of buffets and so on. Whee.

Oh and now that I am somewhere in the middle of January, I must say that my friendships with certain individuals have somehow grown closer although time for myself have decreased. Hostel eats up time a lot, seriously, all the bullcrap that staying at hostel will let you wake up later is all BULLSHIT.

I used to wake up at 6:30 at home, bathe till 6:50am, and go to school at 7am and reach on time.

Now, at hostel, I wake up at 6:20, bathe (done by 6:45), and go down to breakfast at 7:10am (thanks to lift JAM, PEOPLE JAM, EVERYTHING JAM).

I start eating at 7:15, thanks to the LONG queues, the stupid machine, the stupid waitors. I tell you, one day I am going to feedback 1 whole long complaint to the office about everything I am unhappy about them.

If it's something about the hostel I dislike, it's the food. HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE SCREW UP CAULIFLOWER+BROCOLLI?! They're the 2 most wonderful vegetables around if PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO COOK THEM. And if it's average, it's still edible, but theirs is HARD AND DRY. WHAT THE FUCK?

I suspected they microwaved it. Sheesh. Microwaved food isn't healthy.

And they serve 2 servings of vegetable (which aren't really 2 serving, just 2 portions) and 1 serving of meat. Sometimes they forget meat and replace with cheese, and I FEEL THIS IS WRONG. We are all growing teenagers, and we need a definite supply of proteins DAILY. They want our growth to be stunted!

And the worst part of all is that they serve fruits on an IRREGULAR BASIS. If they don't have fruits, they serve SOUP/JELLY, and I feel that is UNREASONABLE. Seriously, we all NEED REAL FIBRE. How do we pass motion!?

And the drinks. Pathetic man. Stop giving us sugar drinks.

And on China food. Like I said, I don't trust China food at all. I can give China's products (excluding food) the benefit of doubt, although past events like poisonous lead on toys surfaces and etc have surfaced, I think that's not that common, but the WORST THING OUT THERE IS POISONOUS FOOD.

I avoid drinking milk/soya bean milk in the morning cause I suspect it's from China (considering that all the waitors are from China, and that obviously, they will be given a certain amount of money by the boarding office monthly, asked to buy and cook for the school, they'll try to buy cheaper things and then give us low quality food. =.=).

But I can't stand it even when the food you eat (not drinks you drink) are also from China! WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THEM FOR SERVING CHINA'S CORNFLAKES.

I haven't died, so I have come to the following conclusion:

#1. The food doesn't contain poison.

#2. The food contains poison but at low quantities

#3. The food contains poison not lethal enough.

#4. The food contains poison that is a slow killer.

I doubt it's #1 or #4, cause like duh, but I feel that it's either #2 or #3. There's just something that makes their cereals taste different from the ones made in Singapore/Malaysia/Overseas.

One thing that I trust is Singapore's health standards. I trust it greatly, even till now, even after they did not detect the melamine imported China products initially. But such things are rare, so it's alright. But I don't trust China products. Singapore products and Malaysia products are generally alright. I trust Singapore products cause of the hygiene levels. But beyond that I can't say much, cause Singapore imports its raw materials from other countries.

Now, back to the cereal. THEY SERVED US A SMALL BOWL of cereal in the morning. I must stress small, because it's lousy. And the cereal gets sticky after a while! It was dry CORNFLAKES. %##%%*$

Enough ranting of the hostel. The hostel people sucks too. Period.

Now, I shall proceed on to unravel the idea behind Mac. Later!

You're a man, no longer a boy

2009-01-11T06:28:00.000-08:00

Today night, while on the way to hostel, my father told me that I'm a man, no longer a boy.

---

10am, Morning, 11/01/09

I woke up and took a stretch. It was a cool Sunday morning.

I brushed my teeth, and immediately looked for food.

Parents weren't back yet, so I settled for some fruits in the house. Strawberries, grapes, apples, pears... Yummy.

Then my wanton noodles came.

After a while, my father came shouting to me, showing me the handphone bill, demanding an explanation why my handphone bill cost $90+.

Naturally, I defended myself, and looked at the bill. As expected, they overcharged my sms-es.

The sales promoter at Singtel promised me that the new plan would be activated 2~3 days later (from the day of registration). So for the next 2~3 days I kept sms-ing to a minimum.

The bill came, and apparently they still kept with the old plan until 5th Janurary. Too late, I have overspent the "unlimited" sms service just slightly around mid-december.

So while I was telling my father to go ask Singnet/Singtel, he kept nagging on and on about how I possibly could had spent so much. I wouldn't deny that it was partly my fault, because I spent minutes on Google Maps, Youtube and downloading games/themes and related stuff from the Internet. It's all about getting to know your phone for the first month.

But anyway, his nagging really got me irritated so I got up and screamed at him, saying that it was not my fault, that he heard it too, that he's the one paying and he should be asking them about it not me, that if next time should such things happen he should be telling me directly after he listened to what they say, cause then he would then have a part to play in it instead of shrugging responsibility off to me.

I almost beat him up, but I didn't. As usual, when I raise my voice, I still stammer a bit, because I am still not that used to speaking up scolding people. Usually, after scolding I will just break down and cry, because it hurts that I am scolding someone I love.

But I did not this time.

---

Night, 8:45pm on the car. My father apologized for what happened in the morning. I think that is a thing that deserves some compliment, because it takes a lot of courage to actually apologize, especially if you're a man, and especially if it's your son you're apologizing to. Although I am not yet a father, but I think I do know the experience.

He said I am now a man, no longer a boy. Cause boys tend to act like women, who would cry and break down in times of unhappiness.

That's a bit of sexism, I know, but what I can say is that, everyone has certain ideas about how people are in their mind.

So that was how the night ended.

---

Weeks ago, like on 16~17th December, I just had the most emotionally roller-coaster ride of my life. And that was when I told my mother I am no longer a boy, but a man. She refused to accept it at face value, saying that I am not a man. And that if I wasn't a boy, then I am... She got confused herself, and finally accepted that I am a man, though she still couldn't accept it deep within.

For the next few days, she kept going 'you're no longer a boy, you're a man, yea, a man.'. It was just weird.

---

And now, my father thinks I am a man too.

I don't know, but I didn't expect myself to be thought of as a man as I become an alpha male. I believe that being told you're a man when you are not, and haven't, is highly over-rated and isn't good, simply cause you can create the wrong perception of what a man is, in the boy's head.

Yeap.

But now I am a man. No longer a boy.

Or at least that's what my father says.

Now I am expected to change, from boyhood to manhood.

Hmm mm.

I didn't ask for this.

Make a man out of myself.

Back where we belong

2009-01-10T07:28:00.000-08:00

From Wikipedia:

The Last Goodnight is a rock band from Enfield, Connecticut, USA. It is currently on tour promoting its major label debut Poison Kiss, which was released August 28, 2007. The album's first single, "Pictures of You" became a pop radio hit in the summer of 2007.

Sidenote: Pictures of You peaked at 1 on Singapore's 987FM top 20 countdown?!

_____________

Today's been a slow day, I woke up at an untimely 12:30pm, and my day started from there, reading gossip tabloids, catching up on what I have lost on the world for the past few weeks.

1 thing I am very happy about in my house is that there are strawberries! My family's still as screwed as ever and the decline in efficiency at home is kind of expected and is acceptable considering that I have been gone for not 1 day but 7 days.

Nothing else have changed much at home except that my father left some aromatic product by my table, something in which you place a candle below this small cup and you pour some aromatic oil on top and then the whole room would have a wonderful scent. And you're supposedly going to massage yourself with that oil (I read adding some other oil to it, cause this oil is very concentrated and stuff)...

Okay, whatever.

Food at home is not at its best, cause I've tasted better, and I was expecting it to be somewhat better cause I am back for only a while! But wells, beggars can't be choosers, haha.

I spoilt my maid's cupboard. Don't ask me how. All I can just say is that she has lots of clothes on it to begin with.

Now to the main point!

I think me and my friends have changed a lot over the years... It's subtle, but I just recently noticed it last outing.

The past few days at hostel really sucks badly. I cannot concentrate studying, for a few reasons, namely the fact that I had to remember to go fingerprinting and being punctual for everything. I have to make up my bed if I am not in the room, and make sure the room's neat and stuff.

But at the same time, I was given some time to reflect on some things on life. Was I changing? Is hostel doing me any good? How's everyone feeling? Are they feeling as frustrated as me? Or are they occupied with gaming so much such that they don't feel the thing that's actually going on around them? Do people enjoy their stay there? How are my friends doing?

Yes, I think about not only myself, but my friends too, no matter where they are. Of course I do think about my family, but that's a separate thing altogether here.

I got the chance to realize how much I have changed over the years. I have become more expressive, more talkative (ahem), less hostile (in a way) and a bit more diplomatic (I don't think this is right word used but heck!).

But living in hostel makes me less expressive and talkative. I really really hate opening my mouth to everyone right now. It's this thing that will make me speak for a while and then shut up for the rest of the time. Irritating.

Besides all these, I am kind of aware that people think some times I go about talking about certain things a lot of times. Don't know the reason? Notice that I worry lesser nowadays? It's because talking about it out loud actually gets rid of the worrying, sort of like counselling. So be happy if I seek your help, because it not only means I trust you, but also means I like you, and really want you as my friend.

I dare to say that, because I mean it.

But at the same time, I am telling lesser of myself to others. I am bottling up things. Not because I am a hero or anything, but it's due to a variety of reasons. 1 of which is that I'm getting lazier to express myself. The other is that I feel that then I will cause less harm to myself indirectly. And another is that I feel that I can then better manage my feelings than rely on counselling.

There are also many aspects on which I have changed, including boldiness (in a certain aspect), anger/hatred management and so on.

But it's not only me that has changed.

My friends have too.

Boney from last year was still as idiotic as ever, but not that I give a damn anymore. But what has changed between us is our distance, and his retarded-ness.
I can't really explain much cause we're not as close as anymore.

Whereas for Salt, I don't know,she just seems tons more vulgar. Not that it's a bad thing, because, I really think the concept of vulgarities is BULLCRAP.

Let me explain why.

Vulgarities are just words. But people forbid people to say it in public, mainly because they think it's offensive. But let me then pose you a question. The English we speak isn't the English used in the 1800s. Neither is it the English used when English first started out.
Secondly, if we never spoke the English we're currently speaking, but our ancestors came up with another language instead, they could possibly create a word sounding like "fuck", or maybe is spelt the same way as "fuck", but mean something else.

Does that mean it is vulgar? No, not in their terms. But why the fuck is it in our terms?

I just think besides the fact that some vulgarities really target certain things indirectly, vulgarities mean nothing else. They just want to restrict people from using certain words that seem offensive. But what's the point, really?

People, knowing that such words are offensive and generally avoided in speaking, would tend to use such words during great frustrations/anger, because they would feel good after using it, because they did something that is generally not accepted.

And I, feel that way. I believe most others do.

So being vulgar is not bad. But too bad, you're living on Planet Earth. It's not your call to what you want the world to be like. Live with it. People don't like it, just shut up. If you want to go on and on about it, go ahead, it's your call, but people wouldn't like it. Their problem? Yea.

You can adopt that attitude. Nothing wrong with that. But it's also what you want to end up with.

I don't mind having my friends scream out vulgarities in times of great frustrations, but I don't like being surrounded by people who use vulgarities TOO frequently. I don't like feeling degraded.

Call it stereotyping or what, but I believe the mark of a mature and educated person is knowing about the right place and time for everything. I don't like people to shoot their mouths in public just because they know others wouldn't give a damn, but the fact is, people do. People eavesdrop EVERYWHERE. Not because they have nothing else to bother about, but 1 thing that is prevalent in everywhere is that people enjoy poking their nose into other people's business.

You might not mind being the talk of someone's conversation, because you don't give a damn about what they say about you, because they don't know you, but the feeling isn't good. It isn't good cause it's the impression you leave on them. And it also means that that could be the impression you're leaving on everyone else. How fantastic is that? I don't like it.

But unless it's people who hate me for something I feel that I did not do wrong, then I will care.

People should also know where the right place and time is for everything to happen, especially voice out openly their dislikes for certain things/procedures. While it is true that certain things are irritating, there is a more glam way of showing one's displeasure, instead of just voicing out directly, because it shows one's mannerism.

Having said it all thus far, I don't like judging/stereotyping people. But the point is, it's human nature. You can keep it to a mininum, but it's within you. You can't escape from it. If you hear a feminine voice singing a song, you'll be expecting a female, naturally, but that's already stereotyping. It seems crappy, but it's true. You could be termed sexist but that's unlilkely cause everyone commits that (kind of stereotyping).

So if you can "heck-care" about it, you must know that there are people in the world that don't. Similarly, there are, but you know not everyone's like that. It's not something you can control. It's something you can choose to not give a damn about. But at the end of the day, as a friend, I don't like the feeling.

People have changed so much in the past few years. Friends have left to move on with their better friends in their secondary schools, friends have stayed by my side and remained best friends, friends have gone and pursued their true passion in studying, friends have graduated from high school waiting for University stuff, friends have left for Canada and stuff but I am still stuck here alone.

I've grown older by the year, by the months, by the weeks, by the days, by the hours, by the minutes, by the seconds, but I am not getting wiser. I just think that the level of thinking is changing. And I hope, I can be a fine young man someday. With all the life skills that I have, and I don't want to forget and lose some of them, which I think are really good.

I just wish, that my friends and I could go back in time, back to where we belong, when we weren't so influenced by external events and things that shape our minds into the screwed up individuals we have becomed.

Oh and 1 more thing. I wonder, can anyone really hear the silence in their ears nowadays? Like, really, focus on the silence. Not even the wind around you. Can you shut off all the noise from your ears, and your mind? Not think about any songs? I doubt so. And for me that's the case. I have songs ringing in my ears now and then. It's Leona Lewis' Better in Time now.

Whee, free music player?
Not a good thing I tell you, especially when you plan on studying.

And that's why,
I want to go back, back to where we belong.

Are you lucky

2009-01-09T21:41:00.000-08:00

Once you are accustomed to listening to Jazz, it just feels like pop all over again.

The above sentence does not have anything relating to this post at all, just a sidenote from listening to too much of Leon Jackson. Kinda cause I have been chugging Creative into my ears, and it's pop-jazz, and having been accustomed to listening to pop since I was a little kid, cause my sister keeps blasting J-Pop and Britney's songs at home, I enjoy pop, and it's easier to digest pop-jazz songs than jazz songs now.

Jazz, to some is romantic, to some is like oldies. I don't know, I just have a mixed perception of both. But I do feel that it's kind of "classical". In a way that Jazz will survive through times. Rock could die into literally nothing, Pop can go on and on but people can feel nothing for it, R&B can connect to people but will it be like, permanent? Country just seems like tunes you play around randomly... HipHop's fun but it somehow feels like street songs...

Michael Buble's a bubbling Jazz artiste, and when I first listened to him, I didn't enjoy his songs. I don't know. Maybe because his songs don't have that pop-vibe. Haha. Now that I have been listening to Leon Jackson's Creative, maybe I'll start appreciating Michael Buble's song... Hmm mm.

Nah Michael Buble sucks.

Alright, that's all about songs.

Last Thursday, I found some time to go out with Boney and Salt. The day started out stupid, and ended up stupid. I am really, really, very very frustrated with that.

In the morning, somehow the day started late, so I woke up late, and was almost late for school. I had a tummyache, and my first lesson would be PE, and everyone knows physical activity during tummyache = doom.

But anyway, rushed off to assembly and had the time to get rid of my tummyache while I was changing clothes in the toilet. Whee.

Lesson started! I'm 179cm!!! YAY! But I think the teacher over-measured or something. I didn't even feel the board on my head! I'm probably like 178cm only :'(. My weight increased unexpectedly, but I blame it on the hostel food. Enough said.

Ran so much on Thursday... Stupid competitive running x_X.

Got to class, had lessons, and the teacher PMS, and then left to go back to hostel to bathe... I had a tummyache again... So I threw my pants around thinking that nobody was in the room!

But apparently, my toilet-mate just MOVED IN. BLOODY HELL!!!

I was bathing halfway when the door opened, and POP, he was there! WHAT THE HELL!!!

And my clothes and towel were outside! $#^$%#&#$%&

Anyway, he sort of left, and I changed and then we met and chatted for about 45 seconds before I left to rush to meet Salt and Boney who have arrived. Heh. 11:30+ it was.

Brought them to Boarding, registered at the office, and then went to TV room to play some games of stacko and secret code. Then we walked around and soon left for City Hall, to eat Popeye at the Singapore Flyer.

Went to the place where the shuttle bus would be, and we waited for a total of 42 minutes! I actually wanted to stay for 3 more minutes, afraid of regret, but Boney convinced us to leave.

But while waiting, we were speculating if the bus would be coming or not, because the Singapore Flyer had closed down for a while, for works to check on its faulty-ness. But the shops around it are still opened...

So we left, and we decided to ask the people at the MRT control room how we should get there. He revealed the shuttle bus service is temporarily canceled.

WTF!!!

So Boney was right, but whatever, I was so pissed off, cause I was dying of hunger, and it would be a 25 minutes walk to the Singapore Flyer!

PISSED.

Left, and in between Boney kept bothering about his hair and eyes and stuff. Irritating man.

Reached Singapore Flyer, and by then I was so tired already. I was like 13 steps from the Singapore Flyer and I didn't want to go any further. I just want to lay there...

But anyway, I was "motivated" to go in. They were telling me it was only a few more steps. So I walked in...

Popeye's food is OVERCHARGED.

$7.45 for 1 small piece of bread (which is unique, but not delicious, taste like some Chinese kueh), 2 pieces of chicken (which are bigger than KFC's no doubt), 1 drink.

I don't think it's worthed that much. It's expensive!

But luckily for us, there is 50% off the shop beside it if we buy food from Popeye. I bought a scoop of Raspberry ice cream, which is actually $5.00 (WOAH), but I paid $2.50 cause I ate Popeye before it. Boney ate Maple-Walnut and Salt ate Strawberry. I don't think she should have gotten Strawberry cause it's so common. It's quite sweet though. I suggested PassionFruit+Mango but she said it's weird.

Wait, is it peach instead of mango? I can't remember, but haha.

Left, and went to Guardian to stock up on some facial stuff. I needed a cleanser for my face cause my Garnier facial wash was depleting.

Settled for Men's Biore, though I was debating whether to get Nugeno or Nivea's instead. Salt claims she never heard much of Nugeno, so it's not that popular (hmm). As for Nivea, I don't know, but I don't have a very good impression of it. But I never tried their men's products yet, so well...

But I settled for Men's Biore cause it's made in Japan >.>. Salt told me not to get Malaysia's/Vietnam's. Yeap.

And we also bought 1 cream called Nixoderm! Nixoderm's this miracle cream that helps cure acne, ezcema and many other skin problems.

Salt bought a slightly larger container (standard size) while I bought the trial size one. Not that I really wanted the trial size one, but we didn't even notice the size difference from far!!! Until we paid!

And then we opened and then compared it side by side. LOL!

Mine's really small but I don't use much of it yet.

It's like a little whitener also. Makes the skin fairer. I don't know why. Salt claims it has a stinging feeling. I didn't experience that at first, but I did the 5th time I use it. Hmm mm.

It worked!

Anyway, as for Men's Biore, it make the skin feel as though it is drinking water from the atmosphere. I don't know how to explain, but I think it's the effect of mint. It just makes it feel fresher as though the skin is "breathing". Yea.

Ah wells.

Went back to hostel and it was dinner and I forgot to get my Hokkien Mee (or some other noodles) for supper!!! TOOT. Although Salt and Boney kept going on about it while they were around...

Nevermind.

Yeap. That's all for now. Time to wash my face!

Just walk away

2009-01-09T07:39:00.000-08:00

Alright, school has been very sucky.

On Monday, we had a very super assembly for hostel boarding members. This is why women should not take charge of matters when they're having that time of the month. THEY TURN MOODY and are easily IRRITABLE. Seriously, either let the guy take charge or get another woman to take on the job when you're having that time of the month.

All the crap about saying that if we pissed her off, she'll have a black face, and when others see her, they'll also get a black face. But to begin with, what if you're the first one to spark that off? And you could just stop the chain but you chose not to. What are we supposed to learn from you.

Hostel's pretty brainwashing. Seriously, if you have speakers to "testify" about the "goodness" of it, it's alright, I can take that as assurance. But when you create an atmosphere by getting the school to clap and stuff to influence others, then that's brainwashing.

And that's how I have been feeling the past few days.

Other than that, the activity on Monday was retarded.

Monday's the first day of the week, and we still have 4 more days of lessons.
By first putting assembly on Monday, and giving us some activity and only releasing us at 10:45pm to sleep (I still had to bathe, do homework, so I slept at 1am), I think that's kind of unreasonable.

All the talk about living in hostel away from home, that is close to school, will give you more time is only true if, they don't have this thing called "roll-calling", whereby you have to go to the lift area to tap your fingerprint there. The worst part? The fingerprint detecter detects the fingerprint in 1~15 seconds, and if it can't recognize, it could take up to a minute. And imagine 20 people going there... Jam @_@

20minutes? SIAO.

Another thing very bad about roll-calling is that you also have to sleep later. Blame the school. Why do you have a policy to roll-call at an ungodly hour of 10:35~10:45?! Can't you ask us to roll-call at 10pm, which is a nicer number, and ask us go to sleep at 11pm instead?

Another thing. Internet access sucks. For one, I couldn't load my school's website at certain times of the day. This is not acceptable. I would still understand if it's other websites, but, how can you not bloody load the school's website, especially when the hostel belongs to the school (or is linked). And even simple pages like sg.yahoo.com/ is sometimes extremely laggy.

For one, I have started taking down notes on my computer and I will publish them online when I'm gone from the hostel, leaking out what to expect from this hostel, the shit they put us through.
But since only 1 week is over, I believe there's still much more to come. I'm not really optimistic anymore, because the hostel already left a very very bad impression on me, and I doubt that will change.

But, one day, after I leave the hostel and if by then I am still unsatisfied, don't blame me for leaking out everything about it.

---

On a sidenote, lessons have been progressing quite fast. Lesson hours are short, but somehow the day seems shorter and shorter. I don't know why, but I seem to be able to work more efficiently at home. I think it's because in hostel you have to roll-call, send clothes for laundry at a certain floor, tab here tab there tab everywhere... It's no wonder I am pissed...

Tell me it's for security/attendence reasons and I will ask if you can still work on it like shift it to 10pm or something. Who the hell returns before 10:35 instead of 10:00. If I stay after 10:00 I'll be back at 11:00 instead. No odd timings.

Next off, food's quite alright, but I can't help but fear that the food are China products. They taste far too china. I don't trust China's food anymore. Actually, I have never trusted China's food ever since I went over to China to walk around in the streets.
But when news broke out about the milk scandal in China I wasn't all that shocked. I wasn't exactly expecting it either, but I just thought that it could had happened but it did not occur in my head.

You know, in the streets of China, if you walk around, you see small plates of meat left on small tables on the side of the road. And then when the vehicles pass by... The food collect all the dust and you eat steamboat at the street. Great.
And the meat doesn't look fresh. I don't know what to say, but that isn't the right way to serve meat to customers. You need it to be kept in a refridgerator or some sorts. Unless you're really sure that someone is going to be eating it really soon.

But, that's China for you. My mother told me to avoid drinking milk and soya bean they served. I didn't even plan to, because my tummy is kind of weak, and I can't take such drinks in the morning. My mother was afraid it was from China. But I do trust the health authorities in Singapore that they will not import food that are harmful to the body. But I just can't trust the school enough. Especially when the chefs are from China.

In addition to that, I must say the food quality isn't that bad. But I suspect a few things. For the drinks, I suspect they added a high content of sugar to it. For the food, I suspected they added MSG to it. For the bread, I believe they bought those low quality kind - there isn't even a gardenia or sunshine packet anywhere!

As for the rice, it sucks bad. It tastes like China rice. There is slight difference between rice from difference countries. If you have tasted them before you will know (other than Japanese). Thai's rice and China's rice are different in taste. As far as I know, I don't think that rice can be fake, so I think it is still safe for consumption.

Oh and 1 thing that really sucks generally is the food. It is extremely saltish and oily. This is especially so in countries like China and Hong Kong (which is also partof China, but heck, like I care). That is why, if you go overseas in a package tour to China or Hong Kong, and if you have an experienced tourist guide, they will usually ask if you would be requesting for food that is less oily, less spicy and less saltish.

And the vegetables in the hostel sucks. It's pathetic. I wanted to eat this leafy vegetables but 30% of them is leaves and 70% is stalk. Pathetic. And for the whole week I have been in hostel, there is only 2~3 times they ever served me fruits! I only remembered twice - Yellow Watermelon and Honeydew. Bloody toot. Didn't the school tell you we need 2 servings of fruits daily?! I thought that's common knowledge! No wonder I couldn't shit =(. Don't tell me I need to buy prunes cause my tummy is a very sensitive area. It either gets constipation or diarrhea.

But lucky we can get second serving...

---

Lessons have started. For English lessons I am quite satisfied with the way things are going. As for Biology lessons, next week is the official lesson. I'm not sure whether I'll do well in it or not. Chemistry has been touched on, but unlike last semester's I feel that this is more alien. Math is already being taught, and the pace is quite slow on the revision but the teacher is increasing his pace in the new stuff. Bloody toot.

And I'm very unhappy about some things!

There is this segment that constitutes a portion of the final grade (it is like this for almost all my subjects, so don't bloody ask why because it's the same in Universities. I'm too lazy to explain), and it's called Class Participation. I'm feeling damn idiotic because the teacher doesn't give us chances to participate! Those he calls are able to participate, but I can't, and I WANT TO, because he was at revision and so it's free marks! #$^#$%*&$^*

I'm really upset about that and I cried in class. No joke. I did cry in class. But I wiped off the tears before it fell more than 0.5cm down my eyelids.

Sniff.

As for class dynamics, I don't want to touch on that, but I must say I feel quite comfortable thus far. A few weeks later, things would be slightly different, but I don't want to go for some roller coaster ride.

Speaking of which, staying in hostel already succeeded in 1 thing - reducing the carsick effect on me. I think it's because the hostel's always lousy to begin with, and something called conditioning and that's why I got used to everything.

Oh before I forget, I suspect there's a lizard somewhere. Wait till I find it and throw it off from the top floor.

And why the hell does my toiletmate have a (toilet) door while I don't? Not fair? I don't feel safe and secure.

I was teling Asra that I am feeling very frustrated nowadays, like something is eating me out from deep within. She thinks it's cause of the claustrophobic feeling inside the hostel and school all the time. I don't know. I didn't enjoy myself when I went out on Thursday though. Prefered lazing in hostel.

That's all for now.

BYE!

And remember, just walk away...

Skins extended trailer

2009-01-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

I'm back!!!

Not as good, but I'm still alive!

Take a look at this.

I noticed a dog's cock somewhere. BLOODY OBVIOUS.

Haha.

I can't wait for Skins series 3!

Seems like the female actress playing Pandora had blossomed and turned prettier.

Feel this helplessness?

2009-01-04T00:26:00.000-08:00

I'm off to hostel, and finally, a full 6 days away from home.

Not that I'm homesick yet or anything, but I sure prefer home's bed.

Well there's a few things I regret not being able to do for the family. But whatever, this time, I'm fully washing off some of the duties I have at home.

So much for idealism.

At home I have set up an area to keep all the rulers, scotchtape, sharpeners, scissors and staples in an effort to minimize the unnecessary buying of more stationary just because someone cannot finds it. This is especially so prevalent in a family like mine, which has absent-minded people lacking self-discipline.

I tell you, someone comes borrowing scotchtape from me and then few days later, he forgot where he leaves it and finds me for another one.

The result: Me left with nothing and the person left with nothing.

That was how it ended up a few years ago. Same applies to the rulers and so on.

UNTIL...

I started a revolution!

I went to find all the stationary at home (excluding pens and pencils cause they're really abundant, but whether good or not it's a different thing), and then kept it all in a big bag. In the process, I found that some stationary had spoilt (like, the scotch-tape, which spoils if you do not use it; i.e. tears easily even when you don't mean to). Staples had rusted, rulers got broken, scissors got spoilt...

But anyway there were a handful of good ones around.

So for a few years already, I have this ideal idea going on whereby it's still ongoing for the moment. But people still borrow (and not to mention, ROB) stationary from my room without returning it to the original spot. The result? They leave it all around the house waiting for it to disappear.

But of course, I remember when people borrow things from me, and I'll get the maid to pass it back to me or something. BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE OUT MY THINGS NON-STOP JUST FOR THE FACT THEY KEEP ASKING ME.

When you run out of stationary, you not only harm yourself, but ultimately, you harm me.
I have tons of projects to handle so I'm not free enough to bother myself with the finding of staples to staple my assignment together - I really just want to reach out my hand and viola - but too bad, I'm human, so I try to minimize this agony by placing all these in a familiar setting, so I would not forget about it.

I don't trust most of the family with such things, because, they never learn to keep their own things in a single location. If they ever learnt to keep their staples on their table, learn to keep their ruler in the same location, they would never constantly ask me for the things over and over again thinking that I have an endless supply of things.

So now when I'm gone, I foresee people taking from my box of stuff and finally when I return, and to my humongous fascination, the bag is empty.

Maybe not, but definitely at least half of them is gone.

Now, that's only 1 side to the whole helplessness.

In addition to that lousy organization the family has, the maid is kind of going to have to live with life herself.

She is not going to have anyone's backing except my sister, which is nothing but bad influence.

First of all, my sister teaches my maid to do bad things instead of the right house chores she should be doing. I'm obviously not going to state some examples here, but really, if you want to know, you can ask me, but trust that it's not anything good first, or else you'll get me annoyed and I'll really want to throw shoes at you.

Whereas my system is more like, I grill the maid with some simple English language (till pri1 standard) so she can communicate well with the family without having to take minutes to think what we are saying and stuff.
That makes things simpler, especially if you want her to clean the house properly (you're probably going to argue like, how so, even if one's English isn't good he can still understand, but, FOR EXAMPLE, how the hell do you tell a maid to clean the "under" of the table if she doesn't understand what is "under"?! Till this day she hasn't even got it right!), cook properly, do the house chores properly.

But thanks to my sister, who bugs her all day long doing silly things of hers, replacing the house chores off the list, my maid isn't doing her job properly.

That's the problem, and in all honesty I have tried, but to no avail, because some people are just too lazy to study and learn, and I can make them do so but I had to study for my Chemistry during the holidays and relax too. Other commitments.

So now my family's going to suffer ultimately. Ants might appear in the toilet more frequently, the house wouldn't be cleaned properly, food standard would remain mediocre (unless my mother does something). Her attitude to cleaning the house would not change for the better.
And at least one person in the house is going to have High Blood Pressure because they're definitely going to get pissed.

At least, if I'm in the house, even if she doesn't obey me all the time, she does listen to some orders of mine to clean and ignore my sister's orders to help her if there is a need to. This doesn't get her into trouble and I'm sort of watching her back.

My sister's a hypocrite so there's nothing I can say about that all. My sister's just retarded. You employ maids for house chores not for chatting and watching horror shows together, just cause you're afraid of it and she doesn't want to either =.=.

That's the second.

The third, would be about who to do the remaining chores in the house when I'm not around.

I probably don't sound significant as the eldest male in the family, but I handle a lot of the things in the house.

Because my mother is always working, she only has some time to update the bankbook, usually either after work (which is exhausting) or during lunchtime. ATM-s are always crowded, and sometimes I'm employed to go help. My father's hopeless because he EVER left his pants at the letterbox while opening the letterbox and forgetting to bring it back up, resulting in the loss of 2 pants. My sister's hopeless too because somehow things always go wrong with her.

As for marketing, my maid isn't an expert at buying food. Neither am I, but I do go out some times and have a rough estimation of food prices, enough to not get cheated. In addition to that, I know how to select fresh fish, vegetables and stuff, sadly my sister or father don't know at all, so if my maid isn't in the right state of mind I can't help.

And my maid's maths isn't good - I wanted to teach her simple addition and multiplication but too bad, she didn't want to learn my English, and learning English is the pre-requisite to studying Math because it's annoying telling someone who doesn't understand English Math in English.

Next, electrical circuits at home. This has happened a few times, and luckily sometimes my father was at home, but most of the time he is not. My sister and maid don't know anything about it, and they're better off not, lest they get electrocuted. But without me around, they wouldn't know how to solve an electrical circuit and when my mother can't get through to home phone, she gets worried, and when she returns home at night, boom, someone's going to get scolded.

Moving on, when appliances at home get spoilt or tampled with, I can't help "repair". Sometimes it seems spoilt but it's actually not, just stuck. Too bad, then.

And there're many more things to talk about. Next on, I cannot keep a watch-out for what stupid things my sister ask my maid to do which I can obviously ask her go do her housework by right instead. One of which includes socializing with other people around in the neighbourhood with no reason. The risk is that if she invites people to the house, that will be DISASTROUS.

You probably think such people would know much better, but some times, we do know in ur head, but trust gets bought and stuff. That's the very reason why con-men exist. That's the very reason why sometimes you realize ending up with the wrong friends.

And nobody likes letting other people know about the family affairs - especially if you have some secret family recipe and your maid share it with others.

And many more.

---

Now, moving on to another topic, that's the very reason why, Salt, I didn't like letting Selena know about the place to watch movies! It's like, quite personal, and I don't share it with much people except like, you. And that's cause I want it to be something private, some thing shared between us, not with others. It just makes it less special.

But they can find out anyway. I tried to convince myself but I just can't get over it. I prefer having something that is unique to hold onto.

Now, you feel my helplessness?

------------------
Update!:
As a consolation, CNY is around the corner and I am no longer given the mighty task of having to buy all the tidbits. So my mother's left with that, all to herself (oh poor her, they're heavy).
And regarding spring cleaning, I'm sure someone's going to get ultra pissed.

Update v2!:
In the next week after a week in hostel I'll see what the family came to. Reminder: When I'm Gone by Simple Plan